


A Million Reasons

by TreeofStars



Series: A Million Reasons [1]
Category: Gunsmoke
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Babies, Child Loss, Domestic Fluff, Drama & Romance, F/M, Love, Post-Canon, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Reunion Sex, Reunions, Sex, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 10:36:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 35,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15168869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreeofStars/pseuds/TreeofStars
Summary: Post series. Three years after leaving Dodge, Kitty runs into Matt on a train. Brand new timeline which does not coincide with Return to Dodge.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE - The inspiration for this story came from the song 'Million Reasons' by Lady Gaga. It was Matt and Kitty from the first moment I heard it.
> 
> I bow down to pray
> 
> I try to make the worst seem better
> 
> Lord, show me the way
> 
> To cut through all his worn out leather
> 
> I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away
> 
> But baby, I just need one good one to stay
> 
> \- Million Reasons

Kitty tipped the porter who took her luggage and took a moment to stretch. Although she was grateful to be traveling by train and not stagecoach, it was still going to be a few days of travel. She decided to walk along the platform for a bit before boarding. Smiling, she watched as loved ones said their goodbyes. Her mind, as it had for over 20 years, immediately thought of Matt.

She'd left Dodge three years prior and never looked back, although the longing in her heart was sometimes too much to bear. He loved her. She knew that. But he was never going to give up that badge. Not for her or anyone else. All the big and small disappointments added up to one heartbreak that signaled it was time. Time to go, to find a new place, a new home, a new life. Pining away for Matt Dillon was not a life. Oh, sure, she'd had a successful business, and wonderful friends. But if it hadn't been for Matt, she'd have left Dodge long before.

Pulling her ticket from her reticule, she looked up to board the train when a familiar figure caught her eye. The tall man turned, gesturing to a bag at his feet. The porter took it and left, leaving him standing alone.

Kitty swallowed heavily. She didn't even think about what to do. It was as if gravity was pulling her to him. One foot in front of the other, she made her way to his side.

"Matt?"

He whirled around, his eyes wide at the sight of her. "Kitty?"

She smiled, and there was an awkward moment before they both leaned in for what was supposed to be a quick hug. But arms tightened around shoulders and waists until Matt cleared his throat and they released each other.

"What are you-"

"What-"

They both stopped and laughed before Kitty answered Matt's question. "On my way home. My cousin and her husband moved to Denver last year. They just had a baby. I came in to help her out some. You?"

"Nothing as exciting as a baby. A trial."

"In Denver?"

Matt smiled. "It's a long story."

Before she could stop herself, Kitty said, "Maybe we can meet in the dining car and you can tell me all about it."

"Well, I'd like that very much, Kitty."

"I'm in Car Three, number two. Come on by before dinner," she offered.

"Private compartment? Well, at least one of us will sleep well on this trip."

She thought of him, cooped up for days in a seat too small, and again, her mouth was quicker than her mind. "You can stay with me. I mean, there's room for four. You'll be able to stretch out and get some rest."

"Uh…."

"ALL ABOARD!"

"Oh! That means us. We should go."

"May I escort you to your lodgings, Miss Russell?" He offered his arm.

"With pleasure, Marshal Dillon."

_~mkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmk~_

Kitty was very aware of Matt's hand on her back as they walked through the crowded train to her compartment.

"Here we are," said Kitty, as she opened the door to her room.

As train compartments go, hers was as spacious as one could hope, with a small brass sofa bed, a second pullout bed above, dresser, and a small area for luggage, which included a sink and dressing area.

The moment Matt walked in, however, the room seemingly got smaller.

"This is nice," Matt said, taking off his hat and looking out the window to the platform outside.

"I figured if I'm going to travel all this way, I might as well do it comfortably."

Matt nodded as the train suddenly lurched forward. Kitty was thrown off balance, but Matt was right there to catch her, stopping her fall. Her hands instinctively grabbed his around her waist.

"You alright?" His mouth was at her ear.

She nodded, squeezing his hands. "Caught me off guard, I guess."

He chuckled, his breath tickling her ear. "I'll say."

Kitty rebuked herself for the flush that crept onto her cheeks and patted his hands. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He seemed reluctant to let her go, but did so anyway.

She cleared her throat. "So? How have you been?"

He nodded slowly. "Okay. You?"

"Fine. Doc told me about your foot. Doesn't seem to have slowed you down a bit."

Matt looked down at his boots. "It was just a graze, really. He told you about that?"

"He keeps me informed on the news of the town."

Matt turned to the window, the prairie passing by. "Seems the information only goes one way…"

Kitty bit her lip. "Matt, I asked Doc not to tell you things-"

"It's okay, Kitty. I understand." He turned and smiled at her. "I don't want to start off like this. We're still friends, right?"

She swallowed heavily. The word 'friends' was heavy on her heart. "Of course, friends."

_~mkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmk~_

"Maisy wanted me to stay on in Denver longer, but she's got the mothering thing down pat. And Louise is such a good baby. I was starting to feel….in the way, I suppose. And I'm anxious to get back to New Orleans. Max takes good care of The Painted Lady, but I miss home." Kitty smiled as she sipped her wine. "Tell me about you. How did you find yourself in Denver?"

Matt cleared his throat as the waiter passed through the dining car with trays of food. "Double murder." Before he could finish, the waiter placed their dinner plates in front of them. Matt took one look at their rare steaks and shook his head. "Not exactly suitable dinner conversation."

Kitty raised her eyebrows. "Since when has that stopped you?"

"Maybe I've changed some." He smiled as he cut his steak.

"Doc said he got a letter from Chester," she offered.

"Yeah. He's quite the family man now. It's been good for him."

"I'm glad. He deserves it." Kitty stared out the window by their table, a wistful look on her face.

Matt watched her. "What are you thinking, Kitty?"

She shook her head. "Nothing in particular. Just…how things work out, I guess. Life's funny."

"Well you go ahead and let me in on the joke anytime."

Kitty smiled. "Why do I feel like our conversations are going to be like walking through a field of landmines?"

Matt let out a laugh that invited more than a few looks from diners nearby. "I suppose maybe that's true enough." He looked into her eyes. "Will that stop us?"

The look he gave her stole her breath. Nearly every part of her wanted to run, like she'd done three years ago. But the biggest part of her, her heart, was beating faster than it had in years and there was no way she could leave the table. Swallowing heavily, she replied, "No, cowboy. I don't think it will."


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of their dinner passed largely without fanfare, save for Kitty's heart beating in her throat most of the evening. As they walked back to her stateroom, Matt started shifting his eyes back and forth, watching everyone they passed.

"Matt, you looking for trouble now?" Kitty sighed, knowing the badge was never off.

"No, I'm not, Kitty."

As they arrived at her door and she moved to unlock it, Matt's head went back and forth, checking up and down the aisle.

"Matt! You're making me nervous," Kitty chided.

"I'm sorry, Kitty. I just was thinking…well maybe I ought to go find my seat."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why? Is something happening?"

"No, but the two of us sharing a room-"

Kitty took a deep breath. "Matt? Do you see anyone who knows anything about us around here?"

He shrugged, looking at the empty corridor. "Well no, but…"

"And would you rather spend your evening in a cramped seat than with an old friend and a nightcap?"

"Well no, but…"

Kitty opened the door. "Get inside."

Matt nodded with a sheepish smile and entered the stateroom, with Kitty following.

**~mkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmk~**

Kitty took off her hat and sat down on the bed to remove her shoes. "You don't mind, do you? I swear, the older I get, the less time I can stand in these shoes."

Matt chuckled. "I remember those tall ones you had, with the laces."

"Now that's going back a spell. Those were pretty though."

"They were that," he replied, staring at her before clearing his throat. "Did you say something about a nightcap?"

"I did." Kitty kicked her shoes out of the way and went to her small valise, producing a small bottle of brandy and a couple of glasses.

"Well you certainly do come prepared."

"It was a gift from Maisy and her husband," she said, offering him a glass.

Matt raised his glass. "Shall we drink to them?"

Kitty smiled. "I think that's a fine idea," she said, clinking their glasses together.

He sipped his brandy and turned toward the window, looking at the inky black beyond.

"Not much to see out there," Kitty offered, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"No, I suppose not." Matt turned back to her, finishing his brandy and placing the glass on the dresser.

"You want to come sit down? You look mighty awkward standing there like that."

He bowed his head and smiled, moving to sit next to her. Kitty wasn't sure how it was possible, but he looked even more awkward sitting beside her.

"You need a refill? You look awfully tense, cowboy," she teased.

He shook his head, looking down at the floor, and Kitty swore she'd never seen him look so lost in his life.

"What's wrong, Matt?"

"Landmines, Kitty," he replied, referencing her joke at dinner.

She took a deep breath. "Well, maybe we should diffuse a couple of them."

"I don't think it would do any good to revisit the past, Kitty. What's done is done." He stood, his back to her. "Been a long day. I might turn in, if you don't mind."

"Oh…of course." Kitty stood, placing her glass on the dresser before turning to her valise and pulling out her nightgown. She stopped, staring at Matt. "I guess there's one thing I didn't consider."

"Hmmm?" He turned to her.

"Could you, perhaps, turn around while I change?"

"Oh. Of course." He did as she asked, turning his attention once more to the window.

For his part, Matt was doing his best to remain calm and cordial. Movement in the window caught his eye. It wasn't anything outside. It was Kitty's reflection, the light from the room framing her in silhouette. He needed to look away. He respected her too much to invade her privacy. But, even in shadow, her shape was familiar to him. It would sooner be easier for him to stop breathing than stop looking at her. He loved her still. Always. Being with her now was both a balm to his soul and a knife to his heart.

They'd never had a conversation before she left Dodge. She just picked up and walked out of his life, without explanation. Oh, he knew. When it got right down to it, he knew why she left. But to leave without a word hurt more than any bullet that had ever torn through his flesh.

Her shifting frame in the window caught his eye, and he watched as she turned to pull the nightgown over her head. He focused on her face, both for the sake of propriety and saving himself any outward embarrassment. She was still as gorgeous as he remembered, perhaps even more so. He wondered if she had a suitor in New Orleans. Perhaps she was even betrothed. He'd not seen a ring, but the thought had entered his mind earlier and would not leave. His heart beat faster as he imagined someone else touching her, kissing her.

"All done." Her words shook him out of his thoughts and he turned around. Her gown was white lace with blue trim, one he'd definitely never seen before. All he could do was stare at her as she began pulling pins out of her hair.

"Matt? Everything alright?"

He swallowed heavily and spoke the first thing that came to his mind. "You need help there?" The moment it came out of his mind, he wished he could take it back. He'd liked doing that for her – helping her take her hair down, the way she'd close her eyes and sigh happily as he did so. "I'm sorry Kitty. Old habits."

She smiled politely and crossed the room to him. His eyes grew wide as she approached. When she didn't say or do anything, he leaned in ever so slightly to her, just enough to smell the familiar lavender scent of her hair.

"Your turn to get ready for sleep," she offered, placing the pins she'd taken out of her hair on the dresser and turning her back to him.

Kitty took a deep breath as Matt crossed the room to prepare for bed. This all definitely felt like a mistake. Changing in the same room, sleeping in the same room, what had she been thinking? But it was too late now. Like leaving Dodge, she had to see it through.

As she pulled another pin from her hair, she noticed movement in the window. It was Matt's reflection. He'd bent over to slide his pants off. Her heart sank. She knew he'd seen her as well. Oh, she wasn't angry at Matt, but at herself for putting them in this situation. This couldn't be easy for him, after she'd left without a word. But it was the only way she could leave….

Matt cleared his throat behind her. "Should I take the top or the bottom bunk?"

Kitty turned and smiled at him, trying not to outwardly react to the sight of him in his union suit. "I'll take the top. I think it's smaller up there."

He nodded, reaching up and pulling the bunk out of the wall. She was right. He'd never have gotten up there. "Are you even going to fit up there?" He joked.

"You watch it, Mister," she said with a smile. "Now, how do I get up there? Is there a stool or something?" She looked around the room, finding nothing.

"I can help you," he offered.

Kitty looked at his open arms, waiting for her, and her heart flipped. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into his arms and forget the rest of the world. "Thank you," she whispered, walking to his arms and turning her back to him.

He placed his big hands around her waist and lifted her like it was no effort at all. She reached for the edge of the bunk and pulled herself up as gracefully as she could manage, his hands not leaving her until he knew she was settled. "Just don't fall off there in the middle of the night, Kitty."

She laughed and looked down. "I think if I do, you'll break my fall."

"Then definitely make sure you don't fall." Matt laughed as he turned the lights down and climbed into the small bed, banging his foot on the rail. "Ow!"

"You okay down there?" Kitty called.

"Fine. Been a long time since I was in a child's bed."

She grinned in the darkness. "Is it really too small?"

Matt looked down, his feet dangling off the edge of the bed. "No, Kitty. This is just fine. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Good night, Kitty."

"Good night, Matt."

It took Kitty longer than she'd remembered to hear Matt's soft snore, and even longer for her to fall asleep to the sound she didn't realize she'd missed so much.


	3. Chapter 3

Kitty woke with the sun the following morning, stopping herself from rolling over when she remembered how high up she was. Matt was going to have to help her down. The thought brought the memory of his hands on her the night before, warm and steady. She'd missed his touch, even if it was no longer that of a lover.

She took a deep breath and shook her head. It would do neither of them any good to continue to think that way. Just…get through the remainder of the trip with grace and that would be that. She'd likely never see him again…

Kitty sighed and rolled over to see if Matt was awake to help her down. But the bed was empty. "Matt?" she called, knowing how ridiculous she sounded, with no place to be hidden from her sight. Maybe he'd left in the middle of the night, maybe he'd decided enough was enough. But then she saw his satchel on the floor by her valise and released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. Why was she so relieved to know he hadn't taken his leave of her?

Pushing the thought from her mind, she decided to sit up and make herself presentable. Feet carefully dangling over the edge, she straightened her gown and combed her fingers through her hair.

Within moments, there was a knock at the door. "Kitty? You awake?"

"Yes," she called. "You can come in."

"Morning Kitty. I didn't wake you, did I?" Matt asked as he came in and shut the door behind him.

"Not at all. I was just wondering where you'd gotten off to."

"Oh, I woke up early and didn't want to wake you, so I went for a walk."

"Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could help me get down?"

Matt chuckled. "Of course."

He reached up and she leaned over, his hands finding her waist easily. He lifted her with one smooth motion, her feet finding purchase on the bed below. She stood on the bed to get her bearings, his hands still around her waist. From her position, they were eye to eye. The look in his eyes made her heart flutter. Their noses were practically touching, his scent enveloping her. Her hands gripped his shoulders as he leaned in closer to her, tilting his head.

Her heart racing, she gently pushed him away. She couldn't do this. Not again. There were reasons she'd left. And now to toss all that aside in a moment of weakness…no. It would only lead to heartbreak for both of them.

Using his shoulders to steady her, she stepped off the bed, not making eye contact. "I should get dressed," she explained. "Did you see any activity in the dining car?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him shake his head before walking out of the room without a word.

~MKMKMKMKMKMKMKMK~

Kitty sat on the edge of the bed, fully dressed and ready to head to the dining car for breakfast, only she had no appetite.

Matt hadn't returned, having left the room over an hour ago. They had to talk before they went their separate ways. She didn't want it to end like this, not after twenty years together and three years of silence. She owed him an explanation, she just wasn't sure if he'd listen. She wasn't even sure she'd be able to explain it to him. Not without both of their hearts breaking all over again.

She steeled herself from memories she'd tried desperately to forget. Did she really want to share this heartbreak with him? Would it cause more harm than good?

Kitty wiped the tears from her eyes as she heard the door open. Matt seemed surprised to see her sitting there. His eyes narrowed as he took in her tear-stained face. "Something wrong, Kitty?" His voice was cold, distant.

"I think we need to talk," she managed.

"You want to talk now? After three years? Is that long enough for you to have come up with a reason for just walking away without a word?"

She bit her lip. "I deserved that."

Matt shook his head and crossed the room. "I just don't know what good it would do, Kitty," he said resignedly.

"There are things you should probably know. But I understand if you don't want to hear them."

"I know why you left, kitty."

"No Matt, you don't. I promise you, you don't."

The wavering tone in her voice made him turn to her, her eyes filled with tears. "Fine then. Tell me why."

Kitty forced out a long breath, knowing she was about to change his world forever. "I was pregnant, Matt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of this story, Kitty is about 43 years old, leaving her pregnant at 39/40, and 20 at the start of the series' events. In case anyone was wondering. :)


	4. Chapter 4

_The wavering tone in her voice made him turn to her, her eyes filled with tears. "Fine then. Tell me why."_

_Kitty forced out a long breath, knowing she was about to change his world forever. "I was pregnant, Matt."_

"What?" Whatever he'd thought she might say, that was not on the table.

"At first, I wanted to tell you. In spite of everything, I was happy. A baby. Our baby. You know how I longed to be a mother. It was an accident of course, but it happened and I was just in this…state. Bliss, I guess you could say. I was thinking what you would feel about it, but I wasn't too concerned. Not at first.

"But then, Daniel McGraw came to town and reminded me of the reality of our situation."

Matt closed his eyes, remembering the tall outlaw that had come to Dodge, causing mayhem all over town until he'd settled at the Long Branch. Once he saw Kitty, his mind was made up. He wanted the Marshal's woman, and he was going to have her. The sight of her on the floor of her room, fighting and clawing at McGraw as he pinned her down sent Matt into a rage he'd not felt since Bonner. And now, to know she was pregnant at the time…

Kitty watched as Matt's jaw clenched and his hands balled into fists. She knew what he was remembering. "Matt. Don't. Don't go there." She stood and crossed to him, wanting to touch him but feeling like it was unwelcome.

"I couldn't keep you safe, Kitty."

"But you did. McGraw didn't hurt me."

"I saw the bruises, Kitty."

"You know what I mean, Matt."

"Did you lose the baby then?"

"No." She turned to the window.

"You left Dodge about a week after that."

Kitty nodded. "I saw the rage in you, Matt. And then to tell you that you had a child coming…a child you'd be terrified to think you couldn't protect-"

Matt interrupted her. "That's what I told you our last night together. That the only thing I was truly afraid of was not being able to keep you safe. That if I thought about it long enough, it paralyzed me." He shook his head. "God, Kitty."

"You still had a job to do. Matt, I couldn't get you to give up that badge in nineteen years. Part of me didn't even want to. It's such a big part of you. You need to understand that there was no way I was going to make you do it out of obligation. And I wasn't going to give you someone else to worry over. Combine all of that, and well…I just didn't think I had another option."

"So you left. Were you ever going to tell me about our child?"

"Yes. One day. When the badge was gone. When you felt like your work was done."

"And you thought I'd be just fine missing part of their life?"

"I made a mistake, Matt. I know that. I realized it after I left. But I just couldn't bring myself to go back to Dodge and show up at your office in the condition I was in. I felt like it would have just made things worse. So I stayed away."

He thought of her in Denver with family for an extended time, and now, traveling alone. "Kitty? Where is our child?"

Kitty's eyes closed, the action forcing tears down her cheeks. "I was just starting to show when I left. It was a pretty easy pregnancy, all things considered.

"But the labor…something wasn't right. I could feel it from the moment it started." Her voice began to falter. "It was a girl. She was born on a sunny morning in early April. She had your hair, your eyes, your chin. I named her Alice. She didn't live long enough to see the evening, but I never let her go. I didn't want her to live outside my arms, Matt. I needed her to know she was loved…wanted. I kissed her face and told her all about her father. How lucky she should feel to have someone like you…" She broke off, choking back a sob.

She felt Matt behind her, his strong hands coming up to her shoulders, turning her into his arms.

Kitty clung to him, shaking. "She was so beautiful, Matt. I'm sorry you didn't get to see her…I'm so sorry…"

All Matt could do was hold her, his hands rubbing her back and cradling her trembling body to his. The anger, the sadness he'd felt at the loss of Kitty suddenly wasn't there anymore. It had been replaced with the grief of losing a child he'd never know. And blaming Kitty now would serve no purpose. No. They needed to comfort one another now.

"Do you…hate me?"

Matt narrowed his eyes at her question. It was such an un-Kitty-like thing for her to ask. "No. Of course I don't." He closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair. "I love you, Kitty."

"Still?" Her voice was muffled against his shirt.

"Always." He kissed the top of her head and held her tighter.

"I love you too. I never stopped, Matt. You have to know that." Kitty pulled away from him slightly to look into his eyes. "What have I done to us?"

Matt leaned in and kissed her forehead. "It isn't going to do to place blame."

"How can you say that? Maybe if I'd stayed in Dodge with you and Doc, maybe…."

"Kitty, stop." He whispered against her skin. "I refuse to believe it was your fault that she died. That you could have done anything differently."

"But it was my fault for leaving you. You can't be okay with that."

He brushed the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. "I wasn't. Not for a long time. But things weren't exactly easy for you. We'd have had to marry if you'd have stayed. And I know you didn't want me to feel trapped." He held her face in his hands. "Kitty, it's all in the past. The only thing I don't want to leave there is Alice. I want you to tell me every moment of her tiny life when you feel like you can. But the rest? Doesn't do us any good. I don't want us to hurt each other anymore, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered, her hands resting on his chest.

He leaned in, his forehead resting against hers. This time, she didn't push him away. Her lips found his, soft and gentle, the smallest of kisses before her arms wound around his neck and she deepened the kiss. Everything – the scent of him, the taste of him, the way he held her – was exactly how she'd remembered it. Even the damn badge digging into her…

Kitty pulled away, breaking their connection. She ran her hand down his chest, moving down toward where his badge was supposed to be. It wasn't there. He never took it off. Pulling his vest back, she examined his shirt. No little holes where one could be pinned, either. She looked up to see the tiniest of smiles on his face. "What?"

"I turned it in, Kitty."

"Wait, what? When?

"About a month ago. Doc didn't tell you about that, did he?"

"Uh uh." She shook her head. "Why, Matt?"

"You said it yourself. I felt like my job had been done. Newly is a fine marshal."

"Newly?" She looked at him, bewildered. "But…you had a trial, you said."

"I did. I was a witness. Called to testify."

"Well what are you going to do now?"

"Well, I  _was_  kissing you. Kinda liked where that was headed."

"Oh, Matt," she leaned up, whispering against his mouth. "Kiss me again…"

He wrapped his arms around her and seized her lips in a kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

_"Well, I was kissing you. Kinda liked where that was headed."_

_"Oh, Matt," she leaned up, whispering against his mouth. "Kiss me again…"_

_He wrapped his arms around her and seized her lips in a kiss._

Their kiss deepened, Kitty's hands gripping handfuls of his shirt as the need for him grew within her. She pulled away from him just enough to speak, her voice a whisper against his lips. "Make love to me, Matt."

"Are you sure, Kitty?" His arms still held her close.

She nodded, going in for another kiss and squealing into his mouth as Matt lifted her up and took her over to the bed. He placed her down gently, cradling her head with his hand. Kitty felt dazed from their kisses, but her new position made her more conscious of their surroundings. "Matt? You could barely fit in this bed to sleep last night. How are we going to…"

Matt was kneeling at the foot of the bed, removing her shoes and stockings. "Where there's a will, honey," he said, placing a kiss to the bottom of her foot.

Kitty's heart soared at his endearment. It was something he'd started calling her when they were young, and it never failed to make her grin like a fool. This time was no exception. She held her arms out to him. "Why are you so far away?"

"Because you're wearing too much for this little exercise," he countered, sliding his hands up under her dress and slowly pulling her slip down and off.

She bit her lip at his touch, wanting more, but his hands had moved to her shoulders.

Pulling her up and cradling her in his arms, he began to work on the row of buttons on the back of her dress. "They make these things too small. There's too many of them…."

She couldn't help it, she laughed into his shoulder. It wasn't the first time she'd heard his annoyed utterances about buttons.

"I'm glad you find my frustration funny."

"Oh, but Matt, I'm frustrated too," she said, as she turned her attention to his exposed neck, licking and softly biting the skin there.

He groaned in her ear. "That's just going to slow me right down."

Kitty bucked gently against his hardness. "I don't think so…"

Abandoning the remainder of the buttons, he sat back. "I have another idea."

"Did you want to play cards instead?"

He shook his head at her. "You finish undressing you, and I'll take care of me, and it'll be much faster."

"Faster, huh?" Kitty raised a teasing eyebrow.

Matt frowned. "Watch yourself."

She grinned slyly, undoing the rest of the buttons on her dress and slipping it off. Turning her back to him as she undid the buttons of her combination, she asked, "Why do I suddenly feel nervous?"

"Well I don't know. Why do you?"

"I don't know. That's why I asked you."

"I guess it has been a while," he replied, sliding his pants off.

Her voice was quiet behind him. "My body…it's different now. Since Alice…"

Matt sighed, leaving his unbuttoned shirt on as he went to her side. "Of course it is. We don't have to do this, you know," he offered, rubbing her shoulders.

Kitty turned to him, her hands sliding beneath his shirt. "I want to. I miss you."

He smiled softly, pushing the sleeves of her undergarment off her shoulders and down. "I miss you too."

She tilted her head back as he began kissing her neck. "I've  _really_  missed you. Did I say that?"

His lips broke away from her skin just long enough to groan in the affirmative before traveling down, making his way to her exposed breasts.

Before he could get there though, she stopped him. "Can we get in bed before this goes any further?"

"Yes ma'am," he replied, removing the rest of his clothes with lightning speed.

Kitty watched as he undressed, her desire for him growing with each moment. Stepping out of her combination, she crossed to the bed and lay down, waiting for him.

He was watching her as well, concerned the whole thing was going to be finished before it even started. Her body  _was_  a little different – but only more beautiful.

"Matt? Everything okay?"

He realized he'd been staring. "You're the most beautiful sight I have ever seen."

Kitty blushed, her arms outstretched. "Come here, cowboy."

He did as she asked, getting on the bed with her, leaning over her for a kiss.

Her hands wove through his hair as the kiss deepened, her legs coming up to wrap around his waist.

"God..Kitty…"

It was her turn to give his exposed neck some attention, placing wet kisses to his skin as she spoke. "I know, love. I need you." Her hips bucked against his to punctuate her urgency.

"You sure?" He could feel her ready against him, but wanted to be sure.

"I've been ready for three years, Matt," she said, smiling as she gently nipped at his jawline.

His hand reached down to position himself at her entrance, pushing slowly into her.

Kitty gasped as he entered her, the sensation almost too much after so long.

He stopped his movements. "You okay?"

She nodded, her nose rubbing against his. "Very much so."

"Good," he smiled as he entered her fully. He stilled his movement, the feel of her surrounding him bringing back the fear of it being over before it started.

"You okay?" She nibbled at his ear.

"Yeah, just trying to pace myself."

"Please, Matt…" She bucked her hips against his and he responded in kind, setting a gentle rhythm.

Kitty ran her hands up and down his back as they moved together, rediscovering one another. It wasn't long before his movements became nearly frenzied. She gasped in response, wishing he would last longer but knowing he couldn't.

"Sorry Kitty…Need you so much…" he said, as if reading her mind.

"It's okay love. I'm right here. Let go. I've got you…"

"Love you, Kit," he whispered in her ear as he found his release.

She held him tight as his body shuddered against her. "I love you too, Matt."


	6. Chapter 6

Kitty lay on top of Matt, her finger making small circles around one of the scars on his chest. "Matt?"

He grunted, eyes still closed, content to stay under the spell they'd created.

"What are we going to do?"

Spell broken. His eyes opened, and his arms tightened around her. "I'm not sure, Kit. But I know one thing – I'm not letting you go again."

She smiled, planting a kiss to his chest. "That's easier said than done. We live two different lives now."

"So we combine them, then."

She shifted, resting her chin on her hands. "It's that simple?"

He nodded. "Yes."

Kitty frowned. "Matt, where do you live now?"

"Ah..well, I live outside of Dodge."

"Define outside."

"It's a small place a ways from town. Quiet. Peaceful."

"And I'll bet you see more wild animals than humans in this quiet and peaceful place, right?"

"Sometimes."

"And I live in a city. Where there are people, and very few wild animals."

"So we'll move into Dodge."

"Dodge?! Matt, I know you're enjoying the afterglow, but I need you to stick with the conversation. You always told me when you gave up the badge you were going to leave Dodge. And for very good reason. Now you want to move back there?"

"I'll move wherever you want."

"Love, I don't want to live in Dodge City. I had my time there. And you'd always be looking over your shoulder. No, Dodge is out."

"So, New Orleans then."

"I don't know, Matt. I can't see you there. You never were one for the bustling city."

"So, my place in the hills it is."

She signed audibly. "Matt, you aren't being serious!"

"I am, Kitty. I just…don't really care where we live. Maybe as I get older I'll have more of an opinion, but right now, that's the last thing I'm worried about."

"You know what I think?"

"Tell me," he said, tilting his head up to kiss her.

"I think you haven't changed a bit. Making love makes you very agreeable."

He laughed. "Where do you want to live, Kitty? Don't you want to be close to The Painted Lady?"

Kitty shrugged. "I love New Orleans. But if I'm honest with myself, they don't exactly need me there. Max is wonderful. I'd been thinking of becoming a silent partner."

"How wonderful is this Max, anyway?"

"Now now, Mr. Dillon. I'll have you know Max is wonderful enough to have a wife and five children."

His hands slid down to cup her behind. "Just checking."

"What about you? Do you have a wonderful bear, or perhaps an antelope up there in that shack of yours?"

"Now now, Ms. Russell," he replied, rolling them over in one quick motion.

Kitty squealed into his neck. "Be careful. We aren't as young as we used to be!"

"I  _feel_  young, Kitty. Like a school boy." He bent to kiss her breast.

"School boys don't do things like that," she chided. Her arms and legs wove around him, holding him close. "Would you have come looking for me?"

His head rested on her breast, a finger caressing her nipple. "I thought about it every day for the past month, Kitty. But I didn't know the kind of life you had there. If you were happy, seeing someone, married…"

"There were certain things I asked Doc not to tell you, like Alice. But the rest…it wasn't that I didn't want you to know. I just didn't think it would do any good for you to hear about it. Hard to get closure when you keep hearing about someone."

"Closure? I was never going to have that. As much as I wanted you to make your own choices…" He broke off, nuzzling his face into her sweet skin. "Ah, it doesn't matter now. I'm glad I never had closure. I'm glad I loved you every day for the last three years."

Kitty bit her lip to keep from crying. He was normally a man of few words. At least, he  _had_  been. "Oh Matt…I'm so sorry you were hurt, but I'm so glad you never stopped loving me." She held him tighter. "Promise me you won't ever stop."

He shook his head, planting a kiss to her breast. "I won't Kitty. I promise."


	7. Chapter 7

"I don't want this train to stop." Kitty ran her hand over Matt's chest.

"I don't have to get off in Dodge, you know."

She sighed. "Just like that? Come with me to New Orleans with only what you brought to Denver?"

"I don't own much, Kitty."

"What about Doc? And Festus and Newly? You going to leave without saying goodbye?"

"I don't see them too often anymore. Not since I retired and moved out of Dodge." She didn't reply, which worried him. "Kitty, do you not want me to come with you?"

"No! I do. Of course I do. This is all just….moving so fast. Two days ago I thought I'd never see you again." She paused for a moment. "And where will you stay in New Orleans? We can't exactly just live together."

"No, we can't. I figured I'd get a place until we got married."

"Married?!" She raised her head up to look at him. "You want to get married?"

"Well what exactly did you think we would do? Live in sin? Don't you want to get married?"

"Do you?"

"Yes I do. You know why we never did before."

She rested her head back down on his chest. "I know. And of course I want to marry you."

"That's settled then."

She looked at him. "Oh no, mister. I've been waiting a long time to get married. That wasn't exactly the proposal I dreamed of."

He laughed, kissing her head. "I'll propose when you least expect it."

"Really though Matt. Don't you think this is moving just a little too fast?"

"Kitty, I never thought I would hear you refer to our relationship as 'moving too fast'."

"We did have issues, though."

"What issues? I wouldn't marry, and you got pregnant. We don't have those issues anymore, though I wish we still had one of them," he said, thinking of Alice.

"I know. I guess it feels a little too good to be true."

"I understand that. I feel the same way."

"You do?"

"Of course I do. But I'm not going to let you go. Just makes me hold on tighter." He hugged her close.

"When did you become so open with your feelings?"

"Since you left and I found myself regretting all the things I didn't say. Does it bother you?"

"No," she kissed his chest. "I love it. It's just new. It's nice."

"Yeah?"

"Mm hmm," she nuzzled into him.

He kissed her hair. "Get off the train in Dodge with me."

She raised her eyes to meet his. "Why?"

"I just have to grab a few things. And don't you want to see Doc?"

Kitty smiled. "I do want to see Doc. And I suppose I wouldn't mind seeing where you live."

"We only have a couple of hours. Don't go falling in love with the place."

"Oh don't worry; I'm used to civilization," She leaned up and kissed him. "Don't you think we ought to get dressed?"

"We have a few hours, Kitty."

"Hmmm. Whatever could we do to pass the time?" She grinned at him, kissing him long and slow.

~MKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMK~

"Was anyone supposed to meet you?" Kitty asked as they got off the train.

"Nope. I didn't let anyone know when I'd be back." He took her hand as they stood on the plaform. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be!"

The train station wasn't far from Front Street, so they decided on a walk into town. As they approached the town center, Kitty found her grip on Matt's hand growing stronger. He squeezed her hand. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Nerves."

"What kind of nerves? Kitty, this was your home for 20 years. What are you nervous about?"

"I'm not sure. It's different now."

He pulled her hand up to kiss it. "You're darn right it is."

As the Long Branch came into view, Kitty found herself overcome with emotion. There were days when she missed it fiercely, the memories flooding over her like rain after a dry spell. Today was one of those days.

Matt seemed to notice her wistful mood. "Did you want to go inside?"

She shook her head. "We don't have a lot of time. Let's go see Doc."

Together they climbed the familiar stairs to his door, Matt standing in front of Kitty before knocking.

"Come in," came the familiar voice.

Matt opened the door but didn't enter. "Morning, Doc."

"Well I'll be! Matt! We weren't expecting you for…well we weren't expecting you at all! What brings you to town?"

"I brought you something from Denver."

"You brought me one of those souvenirs?"

"I did." Matt stepped aside and Kitty entered the office.

Doc didn't react at first, just stood there, staring at her. Kitty wasted no time in rushing to him, engulfing him in a hug. "Hi, Doc."

Matt watched with a big smile as Doc returned the gesture, holding Kitty tight to him. "Kitty? What on earth are you doing here?"

Kitty pulled away just enough to look at him. "We met on the train. I was visiting my cousin in Denver. Thought I'd stop in and see you on the way home."

"Home, huh?" Doc's smile faded slightly. "You know, we miss you here, Kitty."

"I miss you too, Doc." Her eyes filled with tears.

He cleared his throat and wiped at his mustache. "What are you two kids up to? You can't tell me you got off the train just to see me."

Kitty smiled at him. "No, although it would have been a good enough excuse." She turned to Matt, letting him take the lead.

Matt smiled at Doc. "Just picking up a few things. I'm uh…..going to New Orleans with Kitty."

"Well I've got to tell you, that's just the best news I've heard in a long time."

"Thanks Doc," said Kitty.

"You know I've never been nosy, but I'm getting older so you'll have to forgive my outspoken curiosity. Will there be a wedding I'll be invited to? I just want to make sure I have my suit tended to, you know."

Kitty laughed. "When there's a wedding, we'll let you know, Doc."

"Well that's just fine." He turned to Kitty, embracing her again. "I'm just so happy for you."

She felt her tears threaten to fall. "You're going to have to come visit us in New Orleans. I have the room. You can stay just as long as you want."

"I'd really like that, Kitty."

Matt cleared his throat. "I hate to break up this little reunion, but we don't have a lot of time."

Kitty pulled away from Doc. "He's right. We should get going." She kissed him on the cheek. "Remember what I said. You come visit. And write me soon, okay?"

"You bet I will, honey." Doc squeezed her hand before letting her go, then crossed to Matt, offering his hand. "Matt, congratulations. I don't have to tell you I think this is the best decision you've ever made."

Matt laughed, shaking his hand. "Thanks Doc. Come and see us soon."

"Oh, I will. You can show me the town."

"Sounds like a plan. Kitty?" He opened the door and held it for her.

"Goodbye, Doc," Kitty waved as she left the office, Matt right behind her.

As the door shut, Doc sat in his chair, a huge grin on his face.

~MKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMK~

"Boy it was good to see him," Kitty said as they walked toward the edge of town.

"It sure was. You ready to see the homestead?"

" _Your_  homestead," she clarified.

Matt laughed as he took her hand and guided her to the stable.

~MKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMK~

It didn't take them as long as Kitty thought it would to reach Matt's place, although she felt stiff and out of practice on the horse Matt had hired for her. She had no real occasion to ride horses in New Orleans.

Matt's home was little more than a shack on a hill, but the view was breathtaking. "Oh, Matt, it's lovely!"

He helped her down off her horse. "The place ain't much, but you can't beat that view."

"You're telling me! I bet you can see all the way to Nebraska from here!"

Matt chuckled. "I just need a few things."

"Do you need my help?"

He shrugged. "You can come in."

The shack was plenty dark, even with the light from the window streaming in. He had little more than a cot, a stove, and a shelf for his things. Kitty frowned. "What exactly did you do with yourself out here?"

"Not a lot, Kitty. Did a little riding, was considering planting something, somewhere…maybe…" His voice faded as he ducked under the bed and pulled out a bag.

"My home is a little… bigger. And more ornate. Much more than you're used to, I see."

"I'm sure it'll be just fine. You have an eye for decorating. I don't." He said as he began stuffing things into the empty bag. "Can you check under the mattress? I don't think there's anything under there, but you never know."

Kitty grimaced. "Hopefully nothing alive, anyway." She turned and lifted the mattress, finding nothing. "No, nothing here…" She stopped in her tracks when she turned back to find Matt on one knee in front of her ring in hand. "Oh my gosh…"

"Kitty Russell, will you marry me?"

All she could do was stare at him, mouth agape.

Matt's smile faded. "Kitty?"

His confused tone snapped her out of her shock. "Oh! Yes! Oh my goodness, yes!" She dropped to her knees and kissed his face.

"You had me scared there for a minute."

"I'm sorry! I was just...not prepared. Where did you get a ring?"

"It was my mother's. She wanted me to give it to the woman I would spend my life with. I've been saving it for you."

"Oh, Matt," she watched as he slid the diamond on her finger. "It's beautiful. I love it."

"Are you sure? Because we can get something-"

"No!" She cut him off. "It's perfect and it's the only ring I want. The only one I've ever wanted, really."

He grinned, leaning in and kissing her.


	8. Chapter 8

A light rain had begun to fall by the time they made it back to the train. As they entered the compartment, Matt went over to the basin and grabbed a towel before reaching for Kitty. He gently patted her face and neck, to which she laughed.

"Matt, I can dry myself off, you know."

"I know. Let me."

She did, letting her hands rest on his chest as he removed droplets from her hair. The new ring on her hand caught the light and she found herself mesmorized by it. He'd kept it all these years, for her. She'd worn many a dinner ring on her left ring finger, but they all paled in comparison to this small stone.

"Kitty?"

She shook her head. "Hmmm?"

"You okay?"

She smiled at him. "Oh, I'm just fine, cowboy."

"You sure you like that ring?"

"Oh, Matt, it's the most beautiful ring I've ever seen."

"It's not much…."

"Matt, stop. It's everything I ever wanted." She looked at him pointedly. "As are you."

"Yeah?" He leaned down, brushing her lips with his own.

"Mmmm hmmm." Her hands slid up around his neck, pulling him closer.

"Kitty…." He mumbled against her mouth.

She didn't reply, deepening the kiss.

Matt reluctantly pulled away, causing a whimper to escape from her lips. "I'm starving, Kitty."

"Me too, Matt…" She went for his mouth again, and he shook his head.

"No, I mean, I need food, honey."

"Oh," she frowned.

"Don't worry though," he pulled her close again. "After we eat, I want you in that bed wearing nothing but that ring."

Kitty laughed and nodded. "Now that, I can do."

~MKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMK~

Kitty ran her hand over Matt's chest. "I have missed this."

"Me too." Matt stilled her hand, grasping it and bringing it to his mouth for a kiss. "I love this ring on you."

She smiled, running a finger over his chin. "I do too. I can't stop looking at it." The small rose cut diamond, set in a floral motif on a simple silver band, caught the light as she moved her hand back to his chest.

"I'm glad you're happy, honey."

"I hope you are, too, Matt."

"Of course I am. What would make you think otherwise?"

"Oh I don't. I'm just thinking city life. I hope you love New Orleans as much as I do."

"Kitty, you stayed in Dodge because of me. Now, you created a life and a good living for yourself, but I think we both know if it weren't for me, you'd have been on the next stage out of there. I'm more than willing to spend my days in the city you love so much."

She sighed, kissing his chest. "Perhaps we can keep your little house on the hill as a getaway?"

"I'd really love that, Kit."

"Good." She nestled into him. "We have 3 days on this train. Are we going to get out of bed at all?"

"I wasn't planning on it, no."

"You'll have to go out and forage for us. All this activity makes me hungry!"

Matt laughed. "I can be the provider."

"Thank you."

They were silent for a time, enjoying each other and the rain falling out their window.

"Matt?" Kitty whispered.

"Hmmm?"

"You awake?"

"Yeah, I'm awake."

"I was thinking. I don't want a big wedding. I'd really like it to just be us, honestly."

"What about Doc? He'll be hurt if he's not there. You know that."

Kitty frowned. "I know."

"I guess if you feel that strongly about it, we can have a big party later. I'll go along with whatever you want, honey."

"When I was younger, I wanted a big wedding. I guess all women plan out their big day long before it happens. But now that I'm older, I just want it to be you and me. It's hard to explain."

"As long as you're there, I'll be a happy man."

"Oh, I'll be there. Don't you worry about that."

~MKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMK~

Kitty tried to bite back a smile as she watched her man struggle with all her luggage. She had never been a light packer, and after months away had built up her shopping packages too.

"Matt? Let's hire a carriage."

"No, no. I think I've got it," he said, balancing a hat box on top of the four packages in his arms.

"How are you going to be able to see where you're going?"

"I can see, Kitty." Famous last words, as he took one step and nearly tripped over a young boy, the hat box falling and rolling away.

This time, Kitty gave herself permission to laugh.

"So, where do you hire a carriage?" Matt asked.

~MKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMK~

Kitty lived not too far from the train station. She was eager for Matt to see her home, which would soon be theirs if all went according to plan. Pulling up to the two story home, she saw Matt's eyes widen at the sight. He got out first and helped Kitty before turning back for their baggage.

Kitty gasped as her front door opened and her housekeeper came out, her husband in tow. "Anna! Charles! What are you doing here?"

"I got your wire, wanted to open the place up for you. Brought Charles along to help with the heavy lifting. Speaking of…" Anna gestured to Matt, still pulling bags out of the carriage.

"That's so sweet, thank you." Kitty watched as both Anna and Charles took a particular interest in Matt. She cleared her throat. "Anna, Charles, this is Matt."

Anna smiled as Matt nodded to both of them, his hands full. "Glad to meet you."

"And you as well," replied Anna. "Charles, help him with the bags."

Matt began to protest but stopped as Charles made quick work of the remaining bags. The four headed inside as the carriage rode away.

"Please, just put those over there, I want to go through them." Kitty motioned to Charles who had her packages. "Matt, those bags will go upstairs. You can put them by the staircase."

"Nonsense!" Anna interjected. "Charles will take them to your room."

Charles nodded with a half smile, taking the bags from Matt and climbing the stairs.

"May we call you a carriage, Matt? The last one rode away quickly."

"Oh," Matt turned to Anna. "I…uh…I'll be making sure Kitty is settled in before I leave. Thank you though."

Kitty bit back a grin. "It's a bit chilly. I was going to offer him some coffee before sending him out into the evening."

"Well, let me get that started," said Anna.

Kitty grabbed her arm gently as she turned toward the kitchen. "Oh no. You've done enough." She watched Charles come down the stairs. "Both of you. Thank you."

"Alright then, I suppose we should be heading on home. Shall I resume my normal schedule now that you're back?"

"That would be fine, Anna. Thank you."

Anna turned toward Matt. "It was nice to meet you. Charles?" She nodded to the door. Charles smiled at Matt and Kitty before following his wife out the door.

Kitty locked the door behind them, leaning against it and closing her eyes as she did so.

"You've got a taskmaster there," Matt said.

She smiled. "I know." She opened her eyes and watched as he took in the ornately furnished living room. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that this looks like your front room at the Long Branch."

"Yeah, I took some pieces, the settee, the fainting couch…the bed…" His eyes met hers as she reached her hand out to him, wiggling her fingers. "Wanna see?"

Matt nodded, taking her hand and letting her lead him up the stairs.


	9. Chapter 9

Kitty watched as Matt nuzzled his face into the pillow.

"It even smells the same," he said.

She laughed. "What does it smell like?"

He looked at her pointedly. "Like you…like home."

Her heart fluttered as she smiled, but the good feeling quickly faded as Matt sat up. "Where are you going?"

He swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Well, I'm not sure. I saw a few hotels on the way here. Any you'd recommend?"

"A hotel?" Kitty sat up, pulling the sheet across her chest. "Matt. You can't be serious."

He stood as he pulled his pants up. "I am, Kitty. That's what we agreed to. I'll look for a long term solution in the morning." He leaned over as he tucked his shirt in and kissed her on the forehead. "I'll come by in the afternoon. We can do something."

She watched, dumbfounded, as he put his shoes on, grabbed his coat, and left the room without another word. Realizing he wasn't joking, she jumped out of bed, grabbed her robe, and ran after him.

Kitty caught him at the door when she reached the stairs. "Matt!"

He turned to her, his hand on the doorknob. "Kitty?"

She slowed her pace, stopping halfway down the staircase. "Why are you leaving?"

"We talked about it, Kitty. It's best if I have my own place until we marry."

"But…" She didn't know what to say. She only knew what she felt, and watching him walk away, even if only for a brief time, seemed more than she could handle.

Matt dropped his bag and climbed the stairs to meet her. "What is it?"

Kitty shrugged. "I don't want you to go," she whispered.

"Well, I don't want to go, either, but I think it's best, don't you?"

"No! I don't!" Her raised voice made his eyes widen. "I think we were wrong," she followed up softly.

"I'll be back tomorrow, Kit."

"You're really okay leaving me?"

"Kitty, it's not forever."

"I know. I don't know how to explain it, Matt." She played with his long fingers as she spoke. "It's just that we haven't been apart since we met on the train platform and I don't want to start now. We've been apart enough, don't you think?"

"You really want me to stay? Live in sin with you?"

She smiled. "Not for long. We'll get married soon."

"How soon? You mentioned you wanted us to have time, Kit."

"Well I was wrong! We've had enough time."

He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Honey, I'd marry you right this minute if I could. But I really want you to be sure."

She slowed her breathing, her hands resting on his chest. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm all over the place. But never doubt that I do want to be with you. It was more the initial speed I was concerned about, but now that I see you going…It seems silly. What are we waiting for?"

"Well, I don't know. I want to be with you, and you want to be with me. I'm not sure what else we need."

"Nothing. We don't need anything else."

In one quick movement, Matt swept her up in his arms. She squealed in surprise. "Well that's settled. We're living in sin until you call for the preacher."

Kitty laughed into his shoulder as he carried her back to their bed.

~MKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMK~

Kitty was just putting her pearl earrings on when Matt knocked on her door.

"Kitty? He's here."

"Out in a minute!"

She checked herself once more in the full length mirror. Her dress wasn't new, it had been tucked away in the back of her wardrobe since she'd left Dodge. It wasn't white, it was blue. Matt loved the color on her, so it was an easy choice. The dress was fitted at the top, no adornments save for the cameo Matt had given her fastened at the neck. The skirt flowed freely at the waist, ivory tulle and lace around the bottom.

Taking a deep breath, she turned and left the room. She stopped at the top of the stairs, watching Matt talk to the preacher. He wore an older jacket, despite him wanting to buy a new one for the occasion. His only tie around his neck, his pants the only new thing he'd purchased for the day.

The preacher looked up at her, causing Matt to turn around. The look of surprise melted into one of love, causing her heart to skip a beat even after all this time. She smiled at him as she descended the stairs. He met her at the bottom, taking her hand.

"You look beautiful," he whispered.

"And you look very handsome," she said, straightening his tie.

"You ready?"

Kitty nodded, squeezing his hand. "Are you?"

"Absolutely."

They approached the preacher. "Thank you for coming out on such short notice," Kitty said.

"It's not a problem. I had some reservations, but once Mr. Dillon explained the situation, I knew it wasn't a rash decision. In fact, it seems quite overdue, if I may say so."

Kitty and Matt laughed. "That it definitely is."

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is an honorable state, instituted by God. In to this holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined.

"The ring?"

Matt reached into his pocket and pulled out a simple silver band.

"Repeat after me," the preacher continued. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Matt held her hand gently, his eyes never leaving hers as he slid the ring on her finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."

The preacher turned to Kitty. "I understand you have a ring as well."

Kitty nodded, pulling a matching silver band from her pocket. It wasn't very common for a man to wear a wedding band, but he'd insisted on it. He was proud to be married to her, he'd said, and wanted everyone to know.

"With this ring, I thee wed," Kitty repeated, her hand strong and sure as she placed the ring on his finger.

"Matthew Dillon, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, until death do you part?"

"I do," He smiled at her, squeezing her hand.

"Kathleen Russell, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, until death do you part?"

A tear slid down her cheek. "I do."

Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder. I pronounce that you are husband and wife."

Matt leaned in, kissing her softly. His hands slid around her waist as their lips parted. "I love you, Kitty."

Kitty nuzzled into his chest. "I love you too, Matt."


	10. Chapter 10

"I thought we were going to dinner?" Matt closed his eyes as Kitty kissed his neck.

"I'm not hungry for food." Her hands slid up his arms and around his neck. "Are you?"

"No, not really, Mrs. Dillon."

Kitty lifted her face to look at him. "Say that again."

"What? Mrs. Dillon?"

She nodded happily, closing her eyes before leaning in to kiss him softly.

"Mr. and Mrs. Matt Dillon," he whispered against her lips.

She laughed, planting a kiss to his chin. Opening her eyes, she looked at him. "Are you happy, Matt?"

He held her face in his hands. "Happier than I've ever been in my life, Kitty."

She beamed at him, leaning in for a kiss that quickly turned passionate, hands roaming, grasping.

"Let's take this upstairs," Matt whispered, sliding his mouth to her earlobe.

"Ohhhh…" She leaned in to his ministrations. "Yes, upstairs."

Together they walked up the stairs as quickly as they could, arms around each other's waists.

Matt stopped her before she walked into the bedroom. "Wait."

She looked at him curiously. "What?"

"I'm supposed to carry you over the threshold."

Kitty's heart skipped a beat at his sweetness. "I think that applies to the front door of a new home."

He shrugged. "Well, if you want to go outside…"

She laughed, reaching out to caress his cheek. "You're amazing, you know that?" She turned to the bedroom doorway. "No, I think this will do just fine, Mr. Dillon."

"Okay Mrs. Dillon." And with that, he swooped her up into his arms and entered the bedroom.

He placed her gently on the bed, sitting next to her. His hand ran up and down her arm.

Kitty took in his intense gaze. "What are you thinking?"

He shook his head slightly. "You are so beautiful. And you're all mine." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

She smiled at him, a wave of love crashing over her. "And you're mine. Finally."

He bent over her. "I have always been yours, Kitty." He kissed her, picking up right where they left off.

His mouth trailed tiny kisses down her chin to her neck. Her hums and sighs drove him into a near frenzy, his mouth moving down to her chest. Not much of her skin was exposed, but he made do, tiny kisses along the collar of her dress. Inching down, his mouth seized her breast, licking and sucking through the fabric.

"Oh...Matt..." Her hands threaded into his hair, gripping tightly.

He moved to the other breast, giving it the same loving attention. "I love this dress on you, but I'd like it much better if it were off of you."

She nodded with a smile, sitting up and reaching for the buttons on the back of her dress.

He gently pushed her hands away. "Let me."

Matt took his time, kissing each bit of skin that was revealed to him. "Uh, Kitty?"

"Mmmm hmmm?"

"You're not wearing much of anything under this dress."

She turned her neck and gave him a sly smile. "Nope, I'm not."

"But what if we'd gone out to dinner?"

"Oh, I was certain I could persuade you otherwise."

He groaned softly as he kissed her shoulder, sliding the sleeves of her dress down and off.

Kitty stood, the dress falling to the floor. Matt shifted on the bed, pulling her to him.

"So beautiful." He kissed her breasts almost reverently, moving down to nuzzle her soft belly. He loved how her body had changed. She was no longer that wisp of a girl he'd met all those years ago. She was a woman now, full hips and breasts, her belly filling out just enough. He felt privileged to be able to see her changes over the years, physically and otherwise. It was a gift he never thought he'd get to have.

Sliding his hands lower, he pushed her pantaloons down and off, letting them pool at her feet. He kissed her sweet curls, breathing in her scent.

"Matt…"

He hummed as he nuzzled her center, his tongue sliding over her already sensitive sex.

She moaned, running her hands through his hair as he gave her the most intimate of kisses, suckling and stroking until she bucked against his mouth, her sweet cries of release filling his ears.

Kitty gently lifted his head, pulling him to his feet and winding her arms around his neck. She planted the softest of kisses on his lips, whispering as she pulled away from him. "Why do you have all these clothes on?"

Matt chuckled, bending to kiss her again before releasing her to disrobe.

She sat down on the bed, reclining against the pillows as she watched him. As he pulled his pants down and off, she slipped her hand between her legs, touching the sensitive skin there. He turned back to her, and she opened her legs for him. "I need you, Matt."

He nodded, slipping onto the bed and kissing her deeply, his hand pushing hers away. "So wet, Kitty…"

She gasped with his every stroke of his thumb. "You do this to me. You always have."

Their eyes locked as he entered her, slowly, slowly, slowly. Kitty bucked her hips, wanting more of him.

"Relax, sweetheart." He kissed her forehead, her nose, her chin. Tiny featherlight kisses.

Her breathing increased, needing him everywhere. "Matt please…"

He seized her mouth in a searing kiss, tongues sliding, caressing, uniting. She moaned as he pushed further inside her, his length nudging her cervix. Her eyes closed in pleasure, hips circling gently.

Matt's hand reached between them, stilling her movements. "Slow down, honey."

"Can't…" Her head tossed back and forth on the pillow, her hands grasping his shoulders.

"Look at me, Kitty."

She opened her eyes, taking in the immense look of love on his face. His hand reached for hers, bringing it to his lips. He kissed her ring finger softly.

"My wife, my beautiful wife…" He kissed her where her ring rested on her finger, gently nudging her hand.

Kitty could not help the tears that fell as she watched him. Her hand cupped his chin. "I love you. More than anything. No woman ever loved a man more than I love you."

He rubbed his cheek into her hand, wiping a lone tear from his face. "I have always loved you, always wanted this." Leaning in, he kissed her tears away before kissing her fiercely.

Kitty moaned into his mouth as her hips began to buck softly against him. "Please…"

He began to circle his hips slowly, still deep inside her.

"Yes...yes…" she whispered against his mouth.

He took his time withdrawing from her, determined to not rush their first union as husband and wife. Pushing slowly back into her warmth, he set a gentle rhythm, their bodies rocking together tenderly.

Kitty sighed softly as she finally got what she needed, lifting her head from the pillow to watch as their bodies joined together.

He nuzzled her cheek. "You like to watch, Kitty?"

She nodded, her eyes never leaving their union.

"Look at us. How perfect we fit together."

"Yes, so perfect…"

"You need more?"

"Oh yes…"

He increased his movement, the only sounds in the room his wife's constant hum of pleasure and the wetness of her core as he moved in and out of her.

"I love hearing, feeling how wet you are for me." He kissed her neck, his lips teasing her earlobe. His hand slipped between them to find the spot that always pushed her over the edge.

Her hips began rocking urgently into him, pushing his hand away from her center. "No…no…"

"Why, honey?"

"I can come like this," she whispered, her muscles tightening around his arousal for emphasis.

He groaned loudly, maintaining his pace. "Just like this, love?"

"Yes...like that…don't stop…."

"Look at me, Kitty…come for me…"

She held his gaze, her pleasure building deep inside her. "Matt...yes…yes…"

Her whispered pleading against his mouth was nearly his undoing. "Come on love…" He felt her muscles begin to tense around him. "That's it…"

Kitty cried out, her eyes never leaving his as waves of pleasure crashed over her. Her hips moved frantically against him, desperate to prolong her orgasm.

When her body stilled, he kissed her slow and deep, still rocking against her.

"What…you didn't?" she asked, her voice breathless as she felt his hard length still moving within her.

"Not yet." Matt turned his attention to her neck once more, kissing his way down her throat.

She began her movements again in earnest, wanting him to feel the way she did right now. Euphoric, loved, cherished. "I want to feel you, Matt…I want you to come deep inside of me."

"Yes…close sweetheart…" He thrust into her once, twice more before he reached his own peak, his hips grinding against her, his love spilling deep inside her. "God, Kitty…"

"I know, love," she whispered, tucking his face into the crook of her neck. She continued rocking against him gently, her arms and legs winding around him in the most intimate of embraces.

"Love you so much…" His words were a murmur against her skin.

"Mmmm…I love you, too."

His breathing slowed, his heart no longer racing, he began to pull away from her.

"No," she whispered, her arms tightening around him. "Stay."

"Gonna crush you, sweetheart."

"No you won't. I want to stay like this, just for a little while."

He nodded against her sweet skin, willing to indulge her for a few moments. Truth be told, he loved the feeling of being held by her in every way possible.

They stayed that way for a time, lips and hands caressing damp skin, soft murmurs of love whispered in the darkness of the room.

"Okay, honey, time to turn over."

She groaned in protest as he extracted himself from her embrace. He turned to rest on his back, pulling her close. He watched as her fingers made tiny circles on his chest.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Just enjoying this." Kitty lifted her head to look at him. "What about you?"

He shook his head and gave a little shrug. "Nothing."

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" She rested her head back down on his chest.

"Of course I know that. I just…I guess I never thought we'd get here."

Kitty nodded, her hand sweeping over his chest. "I know."

He pulled her tighter against him. "I'm so glad you're here, sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head, nuzzling his face into the sweetness of her hair.

"My husband…" she whispered against his skin.

"Always, love. Always."

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came very organically, as it's a part of Matt I felt needed to be explored before we all move on to other things. Although I am confident in the characters' words and feelings here, I do wonder how you readers will respond. Hang in there, though. :)

Kitty woke slowly, reluctant to open her eyes to the sunlight streaming through the windows. She stretched and smiled as Matt wound his arm tighter around her waist.

Three weeks of marriage had been bliss. They'd rarely left the house save for a couple of dinners. She really wanted to introduce Matt to the wonders of New Orleans, but was happy to have him all to herself for once in her life. The only visitors they had were Max, who came by to give her an update on everything going on with The Painted Lady, and Anna two times a week.

Anna had been momentarily struck silent when Kitty told her that Matt was her husband. Anna had then asked when they were married, and Kitty managed to dodge the question with a vague 'recently' before letting her get on with her work. She had been quite curious around Matt, asking probing questions whenever she found herself alone with him in the living room or kitchen. Matt skillfully deflected her questions by asking her about her own life, much to her chagrin.

Other than that, they rarely left their bed, eager to talk and make love, only stealing downstairs for occasional nourishment. It felt like their beginning, when they were young and everything was new, burning with desire and unable to get their fill of one another.

Kitty reached for his hand and brought it to her lips. "Getting up, love."

He grunted in the negative, burying his face into her neck.

"That tickles," she laughed as he nuzzled her skin. "I really do need to get up and take care of a few things."

Matt reluctantly released her. "Hurry back," he murmured into his pillow.

She turned to him as she slipped her dressing gown on. "I'm going to make some breakfast. Maybe we can get out of the house today? Looks like a nice day out there. We can go for a walk in Washington Square."

He shrugged, squinting in the brightness of the room. "Maybe."

Kitty shook her head at him, closing the door behind her.

After taking care of her personal needs, she headed downstairs to make something to eat. She wrinkled her nose at her choices. Anna was definitely going to have to go shopping later this week.

Settling on eggs, she heated up the cast iron stove, a task she wasn't very fond of. Once it was hot enough, she made eggs over easy for both of them. By the time she'd set their plates on the small wood table in the kitchen, Matt had come down fully dressed for the day.

"Does this mean you'll entertain the notion of leaving the house today?" Kitty grinned as he pulled her close, kissing her gently. She pushed him away playfully. "Eat your breakfast," she chided with a smile.

He released her and reluctantly sat down with her to eat. They enjoyed their breakfast in companionable silence.

Once they'd finished, Matt offered to clean up so Kitty could get dressed for the day. She happily took him up on the offer.

**~mkmkmkmkmk~**

Kitty was headed down the stairs in her white button down shirt and long brown skirt when she heard a knock at the door. "I'll get it," she called to the kitchen.

She opened the door, momentarily stunned at the man on her doorstep. Recovering quickly, she smiled. "Why…Horace! It's so nice of you to stop by."

The man, advanced in years but not much older than Kitty, smiled at her greeting. "Max told me last night that you'd returned. I thought I'd drop by. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

She forced a shake of her head, her mind racing. "Oh…no! Of course not. I'm so sorry I haven't reached out. It's been a busy time." She looked over her shoulder quickly, hoping Matt was still in the kitchen.

"Don't worry about it. You're a busy woman. I was wondering if I might take you to lunch this afternoon. Perhaps Antoine's? I believe it's going to be a lovely day."

Kitty smiled painfully. "I wish I could…"

Horace interrupted her. "Please, I understand. It's such short notice and all. Maybe we can have dinner one night this week."

She closed her eyes for a moment. She had to tell him. "I think maybe we should have a little talk."

"Only if you have the time," he smiled, holding his hat in his plump fingers and brushing past her into the house.

Kitty's heart began to pound as she shut the door and turned, finding Matt standing in the living room with an inquisitive look on his face.

"Ah…Matt Dillon, this is Horace Bernard." The two men shook hands, sizing each other up.

"Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Dillon," Horace said, releasing Matt's hand.

Matt nodded, looking curiously at Kitty. At first he thought the man might have been a business associate, but the quiet nervousness about her had him entertaining other unsettling possibilities.

"Horace, why don't we go out back. You should see the garden." She led him through the kitchen and out the back door.

They settled at the small table in the middle of her garden, flowers in full bloom.

"This is lovely, Kitty! Anna did a good job of maintaining it while you were away."

Kitty nodded, her mouth suddenly dry. "Can I offer you anything? Tea perhaps?"

"Oh no. The sight of you, looking so rested, is enough for me."

She forced a smile. "I really should have let you know what has been going on with me," she paused, picking at a loose thread on her skirt.

"I'm eager to hear all about your trip," Horace smiled happily.

"Yes…well…about that." Kitty swallowed heavily, steeling herself. "Matt and I knew each other back in Dodge. For a long time. I…we…met on the train in Denver…" She forced herself to look into his eyes, still curious and unsuspecting. Her heart sank, knowing she was about to hurt someone she cared for. "Matt and I are married, Horace."

He blinked slowly as he processed her news. "Married?"

She nodded. "It happened very quickly. I thought I'd never see him again, but I did…and…" She looked down at her lap, her eyes filled with unshed tears.

Horace took a deep breath and reached for her hand. "I can't say I'm not disappointed. But all I want is your happiness, Kitty."

She looked up at him as she squeezed his hand. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. It all happened so fast, and then we arrived here and…"

He nodded, holding tight to her hand. "You don't have to explain any more. I just have to ask you one question, if I may."

Kitty nodded, forcing a tear down her face.

"Are you happy, Kitty? Is he good to you?"

"Oh, Horace. I am. And he is very good to me." In spite of her guilt at hurting him, she smiled.

"Good. That's all I ask."

Matt watched from the kitchen window, at first feeling silly for essentially spying on his wife. But he'd convinced himself that perhaps this man was dangerous. He only wanted to make sure she was safe, he reasoned with himself.

But he was unable to take his eyes off her sad look, her eyes full of tears, their hands clasped on the table. He felt something churning deep in his belly. Matt Dillon was not the jealous type. But at this very moment, he found himself inexplicably full of doubt and possessiveness.

Kitty and Horace stood, and he watched as the man placed a hand on her face, wiping away her tears. Matt had seen enough, and retreated into the house.

As they returned to the living room, Kitty had composed herself, which she was grateful for when she saw Matt, about to climb the stairs. She searched for his eyes, but he avoided her gaze.

"Mr. Dillon." Horace approached the tall man at the base of the stairs, his hand extended. Matt took it reluctantly. "Congratulations. I wish you both years of happiness." He turned back to Kitty with a pained smile, and headed for the door.

Kitty followed him, closing the door as he left. She took a deep breath and turned to face her husband. Her heart sank as she found the room empty.

She followed the sounds coming from the kitchen, and entered the room to find Matt fussing with the stove.

"Matt, I think we need to-"

"I'm a little busy here, Kitty." He cut her off, keeping his eyes on his task.

Biting her lip, she approached him. "I think you should know some things."

"You don't have to explain anything to me. The situation was quite clear."

She worried her lip, feeling a pit in her stomach. "But we're married now. We should share everything."

He finally looked at her, his eyes full of hurt and anger. "Do we?"

"Of course we do. I  _want_  to tell you about Horace."

Matt shook his head, cleaning the ash box with a mild fury.

She took a deep breath and blew it out forcefully. "So you're going to shut down now? Be like you were before? We aren't going to discuss anything?"

"Seems you're the one who's been holding back." Again he would not look at her, taking his anger out on the ashes and cinders he was attempting to remove.

"Fine. Then you can listen while you work." Kitty sat at the kitchen table before she began. "Horace was customer at The Painted Lady. He liked to gamble. Oh, not too much, just enough to enjoy himself. He'd occasionally ask me to dinners, but I always declined. After living here a time though, I started to get lonely-"

"I suppose that's my fault?" Matt interjected.

"No! If anything, it was mine. I dove into my work here. Kept my mind busy after Alice…" She drifted off, picking at a fingernail. "Anyway, one night I decided to say yes to his dinner invitation. After that, we went out a couple of times a week, dinner or the theatre. He was gentle, kind…" Kitty looked over at Matt, the anger on his face urging her to get on with her story. "I knew he cared for me. I knew he wanted more from me. But I was selfish. I liked the companionship." She shook her head. "It was my fault for letting it go on as long as it did."

Matt sighed, abandoning his task. "He was in love with you."

"Oh, I don't know that his feelings went that far."

He closed his eyes, searching for next words. Gritting his teeth, he asked, "Did you let him make love to you?"

Kitty gasped, mouth agape. "No! Matt, no." She stood, approaching him, needing to touch and reassure him. He stepped back, out of her reach. "It wasn't like that. He never even kissed me on the cheek. I wasn't even remotely ready for that. With anyone." Her eyes filled with tears as she took in his expression – anger, sadness, jealousy. It was something she'd never seen in him before. "Matt, please. You know I love you. How could you doubt that?"

"I don't, Kitty," he whispered. He was silent for a time, staring at the floor.

She stepped toward him, reaching out slowly to place her hand on his chest. His heart was beating fast under her palm. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. This is going to sound awful, but once I saw you on that train platform, I forgot all about him. He was a friend. A good friend, like Chester or Festus. But that's all he ever was to me. I never thought of him any other way."

Matt nodded, holding her hand to his chest. "I'm sorry too. But once you left, I couldn't help but wonder if there was someone else. I tried to reason with myself that you'd be better off…that you were always free to make your own choices. I'd never blame you if you did find someone else. Late at night though, when it was dark and quiet, I couldn't help but think of someone else touching you…holding you…" He stopped, closing his eyes, willing those memories away.

Kitty leaned in, her arms winding around his waist. "Never, Matt. Never."

"Seeing you with him brought all of that back," he whispered into her hair as he pulled her close. "It reminded me how I thought I'd lost you forever. I just went a little crazy."

"Seems I can remember a time or two I went a little crazy myself." She smiled as she rose up on tiptoe. "Kiss me," she pleaded.

Her request was gentle, but his actions were not. He kissed her fiercely, his hands running through her hair, desperately holding her to him. When he finally released her lips, she was gasping for breath.

Kitty nuzzled her face into his chest. "You never ever have to think about that again. I'm all yours. I always have been."

"I know, sweetheart." Matt buried his face into her hair, breathing in her sweet scent.

"Are you okay?" she mumbled into his shirt.

He nodded, holding her tight.

"Are we okay?" Her voice broke as she choked back a sob.

Matt pulled away from her just enough to tip her face up to his. "Of course we are, Kit."

She smiled at the look in his eyes. She no longer saw the pain, the jealousy, the anger. She only saw the love he had for her. "I love you, Matt Dillon."

He leaned in, resting his forehead against hers. "I love you too, Kitty Dillon."

She laughed, a happy laugh that filled him with joy. "You still want to go to the park with me?"

Matt nodded. "Maybe lunch in the park? Then we can come home…"

"Yeah?" A devilish grin spread across her face.

"Yeah." He leaned in and kissed her slowly, his heart beat returning to normal, his mind finally letting go of the past.


	12. Chapter 12

_Dear Doc,_

_How have you been? What's been going on in Dodge? I assume Mrs. Thornton had her baby. How is she doing? How are Newly and Louie? Have you seen Festus?_

_I have some news. Matt and I got married._

_I know you wanted to be there, and we wanted you with us. In fact, I was going to ask you to give me away. But I don't know, Doc. We'd waited so long, it felt impossible to wait a moment longer. The day would have only been complete if you were there, however._

_On that note, I am hoping you might come for a visit soon. We miss you terribly, and it would make us both so happy to have you here. I can show you New Orleans, and you and Matt can play as many games of Checkers as you want._

_Please say you'll come, Doc. The weather is getting colder there, and it's a bit warmer here. It'll do you good. Plus, I think you've earned some time off._

_Take good care of yourself. Don't spend too many nights sleeping in that wooden desk chair._

_With love,_

_Kitty_

**~mkmkmkmkmk~**

_My Dearest Kitty,_

_I am doing just fine, keeping busy. Dodge is about the same. Newly is doing a bang up job of keeping the lid on this town. Louie is…Louie. He speaks of you often._

_Mrs. Thornton had a healthy baby boy. They named him William. I will pass your regards to her when I see her next week._

_Festus came into town last week for a few days. I think Newly has almost convinced him to come back from the hills and be his deputy again. I told him about you and Matt, and he was absolutely beside himself. Why, you'd think he was the one who had gotten married!_

_Speaking of you and Matt, I understand. It might have taken me weeks to get out there, and well, I don't think you should have waited any longer than you did. It was definitely a long time coming._

_As for your invitation, I am happy to let you know that I accept, and will arrive in New Orleans on the noon train, on the fifth. There's a new doctor in Hays, he and Doc Hudson share the practice there. He's agreed to come to Dodge and take over my practice while I'm away._

_You may want to play a few games of checkers with Matt in preparation. Warm him up so I have an opponent worthy of my prowess._

_Looking forward to seeing you,_

_Doc_


	13. Chapter 13

"You might think the President was coming to visit with all the fussing you're doing."

Kitty frowned at Matt as she fluffed up the pillows on the bed "It's Doc, Matt. I want him to be comfortable."

"Honey, you know that when the man gets to rest, which isn't often, it's on a wooden chair or that awful cot he's had for decades."

"That's exactly why I want everything to be perfect for him. He deserves time to rest and relax."

Matt smiled at his wife, who had moved to give the night table a good polish. She'd insisted on preparing the room herself, not letting Anna do any of the work. He walked over to the bed and sat down, wondering what he could do to help.

"Matt!"

He jumped up. "What?"

"I just made that bed. You're going to mess up the bedclothes!" She shooed him away, smoothing the quilt back into place.

"Sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Kitty tossed the rag onto the night table. Smiling at him, she pulled him in for a quick kiss. "No, but I love you for asking."

He held her close, leaning in for a deeper kiss.

"Oh no," she murmured against his mouth. "Doc'll be here in a few hours."

"Exactly. We have a few hours."

She shook her head with a smile. "Yes, and I still have to go to the market and get everything for that stew Doc loves. I want to make it for him tonight."

Matt kissed her forehead. "I'll go to the market. Just write down what we need."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I'm excited too, you know."

"Thank you, love." She kissed him softly before letting him go to return to her tasks.

Matt shook his head in amusement as he left her to her preparations.

**~mkmkmkmkmk~**

Matt watched as Kitty paced excitedly on the train platform. Her eyes were on the tracks, waiting to see the train as soon as it came around the bend.

He walked over to her and put his arm around her waist. "He'll be here soon, Kitty."

"I know! I'm so excited I could burst!"

He chuckled, squeezing her waist. "I'm sure he's excited too."

Kitty gasped as the train finally pulled into view. She immediately moved closer to the tracks, eager to greet their friend. She turned back to give Matt a beaming smile.

She bit her lip nervously, watching everyone depart the train, her eyes searching for the man who was as close to a father as she'd ever get.

Finally, he stepped off the train, carrying his medical bag. Kitty let out a squeal of excitement as she ran over to him, engulfing him in a hug. "Doc!"

"Well, this is the best welcome I've ever received!" he said, holding her tight.

Matt approached the pair, extending his hand, which his friend readily accepted. "Doc. Good to see you."

Doc pulled away from Kitty, holding her at arm's length. "You look just fine. I'd say married life suits you well." He winked at Matt.

Kitty grinned. "I'd say you were right."

"Doc, which bag is yours?" Matt gestured to the pile of suitcases that were being unloaded.

"The green one. Thanks, Matt."

Once he'd retrieved the bag, Matt led Kitty and Doc to a waiting carriage.

"How was your trip?" Kitty asked as they settled into the carriage, her arm still linked with Doc's.

"Oh fine, just fine. I even managed to get in a nap or two." He winked at Matt.

Kitty laughed and squeezed his arm. "I'm making that stew you like for dinner tonight."

"You are? Well that's good. I'm pretty famished, you know. That train food…"

**~mkmkmkmkmk~**

When they arrived at the house, Matt exited the carriage and helped Kitty down, Doc following with his medical bag in hand.

"Doc, you planning on needing that bag?" asked Matt.

"You just never know. Besides, I've carried it for so long, I feel sort of naked without it!"

They laughed as Kitty took Doc by the arm and ushered him into their house.

"Good gracious Kitty, this is just lovely." He looked around the living room, taking in the ornate wallpaper and furnishings.

"I'll give you a tour later. Right now I'll show you to your rooms."

"Rooms? How many do I get?"

She winked at him. "Follow me."

Doc dutifully followed Kitty up the stairs, followed closely behind by Matt carrying his bag.

Doc's rooms were down the hall from the master bedroom. His own bedroom was small, but the three windows along the far wall allowed for plenty of light. Off to the left of the entry, across from the bed, was door that led to a tiny room furnished with two chairs and a small table, upon which sat a checkers board ready for play.

"All this for me? You didn't have to go to all this trouble!"

"What trouble? It's nothing at all!"

Matt smiled, thinking of Kitty fussing over every detail of the rooms.

"Where's my bag? Oh, there it is. I think I'm going to change out of these clothes and into something a little more comfortable."

"Okay Doc." Kitty gestured to the mirror and water basin. "There's fresh water too, and I've filled the pitcher on the night stand. Linens in the wardrobe." She reached out and hugged him tight. "I'm glad you're here."

Matt could swear he saw tears forming in his old friend's eyes as he let her go.

"Now what time is that dinner?"

Kitty grinned. "About an hour. That okay?"

"Oh sure. I might take a little nap beforehand. Those trains don't allow for much quality sleep, I'll tell you!"

Kitty stifled a giggle as Matt followed her out of the room, closing the door behind them.

**~mkmkmkmkmk~**

Dinner was full of excited chatter, Doc filling them in on the goings on in Dodge. Matt was particularly glad to hear that Festus had returned to his deputy duties. Doc assured Kitty that Hannah was doing well, and had asked her to write soon.

As he finished his slice of apple pie, Doc patted his belly. "Kitty, that is the best meal I've ever had."

Kitty smiled demurely. "Why thank you, Curly." She stood to gather their plates.

Matt raised his hand, stopping her. "You cooked, I'll clean up."

Doc looked at Kitty, amused. "I'm glad to see you've gotten domestic."

"Well Doc, I need to do something to keep busy. There's not as much excitement around here, you know."

Kitty shook her head, standing to fetch a bottle of brandy and three glasses.

"Now, _this_  feels familiar," Doc said, tugging on his ear.

She smirked at him. "This one's on the house, Doc."

**~mkmkmkmkmk~**

Kitty sighed happily as Matt crawled into bed. "So good to have him here."

He nodded, pulling her close. "I know how much you missed him."

"Mmmm hmmm." She nuzzled into his chest.

Matt slid his hand down her back and gave her behind a little squeeze.

"Matt!"

"What?" He kissed her forehead.

"Doc is right down the hall!"

"I'm well aware of where Doc is." His hand moved to cup her breast, the fabric of her nightgown soft under his fingers.

"We can't do this!"

"Why not?" A kiss to her nose.

"Because Doc might hear," she said matter-of-factly.

"We can be quiet." He seized her mouth in a kiss.

She hummed in the negative, breaking the kiss. "I really don't think we can."

"So, we can't make love the  _entire_  time Doc is here? What if he stays for a month?"

Kitty smiled, kissing his chin. "Good night, Matt."

He groaned in defeat, kissing her softly. "Good night, Kitty."


	14. Chapter 14

"Kitty, this is just wonderful!"

"Thanks, Doc. Let's get a table."

Kitty had taken Matt and Doc to the Painted Lady for an evening out. It was bustling in the saloon, and they couldn't pass a table without someone greeting Kitty and welcoming her home.

They found a table toward the back of the saloon, by the edge of the long bar. Doc thought it had to be twice as long as the one at the Long Branch, with ornate fixtures and a large mirror running the length of it behind the barkeeps, of which there were three on this night.

Doc looked around at the solid wood tables and chairs, and the golden wallpaper surrounding them. "Why, you could fit three of the Long Branch in here!"

Kitty laughed. "Yes, I suppose you could."

Doc knocked on the table. "Fancy furnishings too. I'll bet you don't get too many brawls in here."

"They're very rare, and that's just the way I like it."

Matt was quiet, taking in everything. They'd never made it here before. Oh, they'd planned to, but Kitty was content to be away from work and be in solitude with him, and he didn't mind that at all. He turned to the piano player by the door. "Does he play more than three songs?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Yes, he does."

Just then, Max came over to their table. "Matt! Kitty! So glad to finally have you here!"

Matt and Max shook hands, and Kitty introduced Doc.

"Good to meet you. Drinks all around?"

Doc and Matt nodded, and Kitty stood. "If you don't mind, I'll run in the back with you and sign those papers you've been after me about."

Max shook his head. "Tonight is a night out. They can wait."

"The boys will be fine for ten minutes. Let's do it so I don't have to come back tomorrow."

Max nodded, extending his hand with a flourish. "After you."

Doc watched as they retreated to the back office, stopping at the bar to order drinks for their table. "You mean to tell me you haven't been here yet?"

Matt frowned. "Kitty wanted to have some time off."

Doc swiped at his mustache, hiding a grin. "I'll bet she did."

**~mkmkmkmkmk~**

"You sure you want to do this?"

Kitty was sitting at her desk, Max standing by her side.

"I am. You don't need me here anymore. You've got this handled."

Max sighed. "I'm going to miss your input around here."

Kitty smiled as she signed the papers. "Well, you know where I am if you want any advice."

He nodded, taking the signed papers from her. "What are you going to do with your time?"

She grinned. "I've been working since I was 13. I think I've earned the right to enjoy my retirement."

Max laughed. "I think you're right."

**~mkmkmkmkmk~**

Later, Matt sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Kitty readied herself for bed.

"You okay?"

She smiled at him through the mirror as she brushed her hair. "I'm okay."

"Yeah?"

Kitty put her brush down and walked over to him. "Yeah."

He pulled her close and kissed her softly. "No regrets?"

She shook her head, her nose brushing his. "Not a one."

He kissed her again, this time pulling her down into his lap. Her legs went around his waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He kissed her breathless, their lips still touching while he spoke. "I think I'm going to like you being a silent partner."

She laughed, a full, hearty laugh. "In more ways than one…" She used her legs for leverage and pushed back until they tumbled onto the bed.

Matt reached for the hem of her nightgown and pulled it up and over her head.

Kitty gasped in feigned shock. "Why, Matt Dillon!"

He hummed a reply as he kissed his way down her neck. "You know we don't get to do this often enough."

"You keeping track?"

"You'd better believe it. Doc's been here a month, Kitty. We've only made love five times since he arrived."

She clucked her tongue. "You poor man. So deprived…."

Matt grinned as he rolled them over. "Not tonight, sweetheart."

**~mkmkmkmkmk~**

Kitty sat on Doc's bed several days later, watching as he packed. Every item he placed in his bag brought her closer to tears. "Can't you stay a little longer?"

"I wish I could, Kitty. But I can't leave Dr. Sutter in Dodge indefinitely."

She frowned. "But…is that all? Are you just going to work until you drop?"

Doc chuckled. "Well, I might have put it more delicately, but yes, I suppose so. What else would I do?"

"Stay with us."

He smiled, pushing his bag aside to sit beside her. "Now, you don't want me here. You two need to be alone. You've earned that."

"I do want you here. You're our family, Doc."

Doc nodded. "And what would I do with my time? I think Matt would get sick of playing checkers with me."

"Well, I talked to my doctor, Dr. Perrie, and he's very busy. He'd been thinking about taking someone on part time. I think you two would get along just fine."

"Really. Well now, I'd say you've got this all worked out, haven't you?"

Kitty shrugged. "I didn't go and ask him, Doc. He mentioned it to me, and I thought of you."

"And what does Matt think of all this?"

She bit her lip. "I haven't really discussed it with him. I figured if you wanted to stay, I'd talk to him and see what he thinks."

"Kitty, I wouldn't even consider staying unless Matt was all for it. You know that. You need to talk to him first."

She looked at him with wide eyes. "You mean, you'd consider it?"

"Well, I don't know. I'd have to give it some thought."

Kitty looked down at her hands in her lap, eyes filling with tears. "Doc, there's another reason I want you to stay."

"And what's that?"

She looked up at him, a tear sliding down her cheek. "I'm pregnant."


	15. Chapter 15

_Kitty looked down at her hands in her lap, eyes filling with tears. "Doc, there's another reason I want you to stay."_

_"And what's that?"_

_She looked up at him, a tear sliding down her cheek. "I'm pregnant."_

**~mkmkmkmkmk~**

Doc looked at her, stunned. "You mean it? I mean, are you sure?"

Kitty nodded, another tear sliding down her cheek. "My monthly courses have been off. I thought maybe I was just getting older…"

In spite of the situation, Doc let out a small chuckle.

"It's not funny! You know what I mean!"

He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Of course I do. But Kitty, you aren't that old."

"Well, I don't know! That's why I went to Dr. Perrie." She suddenly looked at him in embarrassment. "Oh, it isn't that I didn't want to talk to you, Doc, I just didn't want to put you to work."

Doc swiped at his mustache with a nod, concealing his smile. "I understand."

"I haven't been feeling well, but I didn't put the two of them together. Not until he brought it up."

"I haven't noticed you feeling ill at all."

Kitty smiled sadly. "I didn't think it was anything, and I didn't want to worry anyone. I hid it as best as I could."

"Of course you did."

She bit her lip, trying and failing to stifle a sob. "Doc, what if it's like Alice? What if I can't…"

Doc grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. "Now you listen to me. There's nothing that says this has to go the same way. Nothing at all. You've seen plenty of women suffer the same loss you did go on to have many healthy children."

Her eyes searched his, needing something he could not give. "I can't go through that again. I can't." She shook her head, tears falling freely.

He pulled her close and held her tight. "I know you can't, honey. I know."

Kitty clenched the fabric of his shirt in her fists. "I'm so scared, Doc."

"That's perfectly normal. But you know what? You've got Matt this time. You aren't alone, Kitty."

She pulled away from him slightly, her hands still holding tight to his shirt. "But Matt isn't a doctor-"

"No, he isn't. But I am. And you're gonna have me, too."

Her breath hitched as she slowly released her hold on him. "You mean…"

Doc nodded. "I'll stay. But you have to talk to Matt about it first. I don't want to be forced on him, and I don't want this baby to be the only reason he agrees to have me stay."

"I know that, Doc. Don't worry. I'll talk to him."

He wiped at her tear stained face. "What does that overgrown husband of yours think about all this, anyway?"

She frowned, her eyes dropping to her lap. "I…I haven't told him, Doc."

"And why not?"

Kitty shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just needed to know how I felt about it first."

"Don't you want a baby?"

She looked at him with a sad smile. "Oh, I do. I just can't stop thinking about Alice."

Doc squeezed her forearm gently. "I can understand that. But you know he'll be thrilled."

"Do you really think so, Doc? It wasn't something we ever talked about. I don't know how he feels about being a father."

He nodded. "Well, let me ask you this. Did you two ever discuss marriage before you got married?"

Kitty shook her head and shrugged. "Well, no. Not really. I knew how it had to be, and there were times I didn't like it, but marriage wasn't ever anything we said out loud. You know him. He didn't think he'd live long enough to know a life beyond that badge."

"And judging by the two of you now, I'd gather he's quite alright being a married man, wouldn't you say?"

Despite her lingering worry, Kitty smiled brightly. "Yes, I'd say that."

Doc patted her arm and stood. "Well alright then. I think the two of you need to have a talk then." He began refolding the shirt he'd abandoned when their talk got serious, and placed it in his bag.

"But, Doc…"

He stopped and looked at her. "Now I want you to listen to me. I'm going back to Dodge for just a little while. That'll give you time to talk to Matt about everything. In the meantime, I'll get my affairs in order. I'll be back soon, before that baby starts kicking. And I'll stay until you give birth. If you and Matt decide you still want me to live with you after that, I'll do it."

"I want you here. Not just for now. I want you to know this child, and I want her to know you. You're the closest thing to a grandfather she'll ever have."

He smiled at her. "It's a 'she' already?"

She laughed softly. "I think so. I'll love it no matter what, but I feel like it's a girl."

"I'll tell you what. I'd love to see Matt with a daughter. With your spirit and fire. Boy, would he have his hands full!"

"Doc!"

Their laughter filled the room as Matt knocked on the door and peeked into the room. "What's going on in here?"

Kitty smiled at him. "I'll tell you later. Did I hear Anna leave a little while ago?"

Matt nodded. "She prepared dinner. I was waiting for you two to come down, but I couldn't stand the hunger any longer."

She shook her head at him. "Come on, Doc. If he doesn't eat, he gets real scary."

**~mkmkmkmkmk~**

After dinner and a nightcap, Doc retired to his rooms, and Matt and Kitty did the same.

Kitty sat on the edge of the bed, her back to Matt, who was rifling through his dresser drawer searching for a missing sock.

"Matt? Can I ask you something?"

"Mmm hmm," he hummed distractedly.

"What do you think about Doc staying with us?"

"Well I liked it just fine. Kinda sad to see him go tomorrow."

"No, Matt. What I mean is, what do you think about him staying here. Permanently."

Kitty turned her head when her husband didn't reply. He looked at her in confusion.

"You mean, live here, with us?"

"Well, yes Matt. We would live here too."

"Ah…well…I don't know, Kitty."

"I just think about him in Dodge. You know he works until he's too exhausted to function, and when he does get rest, it's usually a quick nap in that dang chair of his. I don't want him to live that way forever. I think he's lonely, Matt. Newly isn't around much, and even though Festus is back, he's busy too. Don't you think he should be with his family?"

"I think you're making a lot of assumptions. How do you know how Doc feels?"

Kitty shrugged. "But what if he did want to stay? What would you think?"

Matt took a deep breath and blew it out forcefully. "Well, I think if he really wants to be here with us, he should be here with us."

"Really?"

Matt smiled at her. "Yes, really. We've already adjusted to having him here."

She raised an eyebrow. "You mean we don't stay in bed for days on end."

He shook his head and laughed. "That's not all I meant. It is different than when it was just us, but I like having him here."

"Dr. Perrie mentioned that his practice is getting larger, and he's thinking of taking another doctor on part time. I think Doc might enjoy that."

"Maybe he will." He turned back to the dresser, continuing his sock search.

Kitty bowed her head, picking at the side of her nail as she spoke. "Uh, Matt? There's another reason I want Doc to stay here."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

She could tell he was half listening. "Matt."

"Yeah?" His focus was still on his task.

"Will you come sit with me for a minute?"

She heard the drawer close, and him mumbling something about a' darn sock' as he came over and sat beside her.

"What is it, Kitty?"

She took a deep breath, still picking at the side of her nail. She knew the words, but it was saying them aloud that stumped her.

Matt watched her, resisting the urge to grab her hand before she drew blood. "Kitty, what's wrong?"

She shook her head, swallowing her tears. That was not the way she wanted this to go.

"Wait…you said you saw Dr. Perrie…Kitty, are you okay? Is something wrong?"

She looked up, and into his eyes. He had a panicked expression on his face. "Oh no! No…Oh Matt, I'm fine! I'm perfectly healthy!" Her hand found his, and held it tightly. "I'm sorry."

He released a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Then what is it?"

Kitty looked into his eyes, knowing she was about to change his world forever. "I'm pregnant."

He blinked several times, his eyes darting around the room as if in search of something. His mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. He looked back at her in confusion. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Wow. Uh…." He kept shaking his head back and forth slowly, and Kitty found herself wanting to reach out and make him stop.

"Is that all you have to say?" She didn't bother resisting the tears this time. She let them fall.

He ran his hands through his hair. "Well, I just…I guess I'm surprised is all."

"You thought I was too old," she said matter-of-factly.

"No! I didn't!"

She raised a hand up to him. "Don't worry, I thought I was too."

Matt frowned. "I really didn't think that, Kitty. I guess I never thought about it at all before."

Kitty bit her lip. "Are you upset about it?"

His face softened as he took in her tear stained face. "Oh, Kitty. No. I'm not upset. I'm just a little shocked. You've gotta give me a minute here."

She pursed her lips, casting her eyes downward. "Okay."

He sighed, reaching out to lift her chin up. "Honey, I'm not upset. Really. I never thought about being a father because I didn't think I'd ever have the opportunity to have a child. But this…Kitty, this is  _our_ child. Yours and mine. How could you think I'd be anything but happy about it?"

Her breath hitched as she spoke. "You're happy?"

"Of course I am. Aren't you?"

She gave a half-hearted shrug. "I don't know, Matt."

He narrowed his eyes in concern. "You don't want to have a baby?"

"I do, but…Matt, what if it's like Alice? What if I can't have a healthy baby?"

He pulled her close, holding her tight. "Don't think that way."

She was crying freely now, her face buried in his neck. "I can't help it. It's all I can think about."

"Oh honey. You know it doesn't have to be that way again." He stroked her back. "Besides, I'm here, and I'm not going to let anything happen to either of you."

"I don't think it works that way," she mumbled into his shirt.

"Yeah, I know. But I'm going to take care of you. Such good care that you're going to get sick of me and throw me out of the house."

Kitty laughed softly, turning to rest her head on his shoulder. "I want to be happy. I didn't get to be happy the last time."

"I know. And I know you took good care of her while she was with you. What happened wasn't anyone's fault. But this time is different. I'm here. And Doc will be here. You won't have to go through this alone. Let us do the worrying."

"Oh now that's definitely not how it works."

He turned her face to his and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "You've earned the right to be happy, Kitty. I think we both have."

She nodded. "I guess that's true enough."

His hand cradled her belly, his voice full of wonder. "We're going to have a  _baby_ , Kitty."

She laughed heartily, her hand joining his. "That just dawning on you?"

"I think its's going to be dawning on me for the foreseeable future."

She tilted her face toward his. "Kiss me?"

He nodded, kissing her softly, their hands entwined on her growing belly.


	16. Chapter 16

Matt entered the house with the few items they'd needed from the store. He was looking forward to making dinner for Kitty later.

"Kitty?"

He got no reply as he went into the kitchen and unloaded his purchases. Once done, he went to the stairs. "Kitty?"

Silence. He crept up the stairs and approached their bedroom, the door partially open. He peeked in. "Kitty?"

Upon entering, he found her curled up asleep on their bed. He smiled to himself. The weeks after Doc went back to Dodge found them settling back into their old routine. They went out a little more than they used to, but not much. The 'honeymoon' period, as it was called, had not ended for them. Matt was glad of that. They deserved this time together.

He stood over her, watching her sleep, her arm cradling her belly. It was now outwardly obvious (to them at least) that she was with child, and he found he loved seeing her this way. He also found himself more protective of her than ever before. He always knew she could take care of herself, and that gave him comfort over the years. But now, she seemed vulnerable. Despite being happy about the baby, she was also still terrified of what could happen. She tried to hide it well, but it was plain as day to him. He didn't hover, but he rarely left her side, and she never commented on it or complained.

Kitty's eyes fluttered open, and she smiled when she looked at him. "What're you doing?"

"Nothing." He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

She hummed happily. "I got sleepy."

"I can see that," he chuckled.

"Come hold me for a little while? It's chilly in here."

He gladly obliged, removing his boots and climbing up beside her. He pulled the quilt over them and gathered her into his arms.

She all but burrowed into his chest. "This is nice."

Matt kissed her forehead. "Warmer now?"

She nodded, her hand sliding around his waist. "I'm sorry I'm so tired all the time."

He laughed, stroking her back. "I don't mind. You've got a good reason, you know."

"At least we're back to spending most of our time in bed," she quipped.

He hugged her closer. "I have no complaints."

They were quiet for a time, until Kitty broke the silence. "Matt, are you happy here?"

He'd been starting to doze off when she spoke. "What?"

She pulled away from him just enough to look into his eyes. "I mean, here. Do you miss Dodge?"

"Well...no, I don't. Why would you ask that?"

"I don't know." She fingered a button on his shirt. "We're settling in now. We aren't going to be exactly mobile for a while. Are you okay with that?"

He wasn't sure what exactly had prompted her questions, but he decided just to go along with it. "Kitty, have I said or done anything that would make you think I'm unhappy here?"

"No, but we haven't really been out very much. You aren't exactly the big city type."

"Oh, I don't know about that. Haven't really lived in one before."

"Don't you miss the prairie? Hunting and fishing and nights under the stars?"

He smiled. "I suppose so. But Kitty, I've had my share of that. Much of it not exactly under enjoyable circumstances, but I haven't been deprived of that kind of life. You told me you hated Dodge when you first arrived. But you stayed. Because of me. Did you ever regret that choice?"

She shook her head. "Of course not."

"And this is no different, except I don't hate New Orleans. In fact, as you pointed out, I haven't even experienced much of it. It might take some getting used to, but I'm staying. Because you're here. And soon our baby will be, too. I'm happy right where I am, honey."

She looked up at him with a beaming smile. "I'm happy you're happy."

Matt kissed the top of her head. "Still sleepy?"

She nodded, burrowing back into his chest. "Dr. Perrie said this shouldn't last much longer. I hope he's right."

"Maybe once you're feeling up to it, we can go exploring."

Kitty giggled happily. "So many things I want to show you."

He smiled, watching as she surrendered to sleep once more.

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Dinner had largely been a success. Matt knew his way around a kitchen, or at least a campfire, and his skills continued to improve. He'd been surprised when Kitty mentioned she wouldn't mind having some of his Son-of-a-Gun-Stew when he brought it up several days before. It wasn't something she'd had much, and he didn't remember her particularly enjoying it when she did. But, it was something he was happy to do for her. And judging by her clean plate, her appetite was coming back.

He rinsed a plate in the soapy water. "I wish I had thought about dessert," he tossed over his shoulder.

Kitty laughed as she wiped down the table. "Me too."

"Well, maybe we'll see what I can whip up in that department." He stacked the last plate up to dry, and turned to her. "I might know my way around an apple pie."

Kitty gasped suddenly, her hand flying to her stomach.

"What?!" Matt went to her side, his hand covering hers. "Should I get the doctor?"

"No, no…" Her eyes shifted back and forth as she processed the feeling inside her. Then she smiled. "The baby, Matt. It's moving."

"Really?" Matt's hand tightened over hers, but he could feel nothing.

"Yeah…" A wondrous smile crossed her face, her eyes filling with tears.

"What does it feel like, Kitty?"

"Like…like…a butterfly." She laughed happily.

Matt pulled her into his arms. "That's amazing, Kitty."

She held tightly to him. "I want to feel that all the time."

"I don't know a lot about this stuff, but I think it's only going to get more active from now on."

Kitty nodded, and Matt could have sworn he heard her sniffle, but she pulled away from him and went over to the dishes, wiping down the ones he'd left to dry. He frowned, but decided not to push her. He wasn't exactly sure what had caused her quick change in mood, but he had a pretty good idea.

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Later, Matt was dressing for bed, while Kitty sat up against the pillows, her hands on her burgeoning middle. He folded his pants and draped them over the valet before getting on the bed next to her.

"You want to talk about it?"

She shrugged noncommittally, her head down, hair concealing her face.

"I don't want to push you, honey, but I hate seeing you like this. I want you to be happy."

"Don't you think I want to be happy too?" Her head snapped up and she glared at him.

Matt took a deep breath. "I didn't mean it that way. I just don't want you to be alone in this. You aren't alone this time."

She nodded. "I know. I'm sorry. I just…what good would it do to tell you about it? It would only hurt you."

He shifted closer to her. "Kitty, I'm your husband. As far as I'm concerned, you aren't going to suffer anything alone ever again. I want you to tell me." He paused, not sure if he should continue, but decided to anyway. "Besides, I want to know. She was my child too."

Her breath hitched. "I accomplished so much in my life. I was independent, I could handle myself in one of the roughest towns. More than handle myself. And I'm proud of that. I thought I was over being scared of much of anything. At least, anything except for losing you." She gripped his hand on the sheet.

"But then I was gone, I left everything behind. This city used to be my home, but it felt foreign when I came back. It's funny, I had another person growing inside of me, yet I'd never felt more alone in my life. I told you that this house was my father's. It had sat empty for so long and I did myself no favors by rarely leaving it. Anna and Charles bought what I needed. I mainly stayed up here, alone with my thoughts. I loved the baby, but I still felt so alone, so terrified. I was heartbroken. I missed you so much…"

Matt pulled her close, and she shifted to rest her head on his shoulder. "What I felt tonight, I'd never felt with Alice. I rarely felt her move. Having never been pregnant before, I didn't think much of it. I thought it was normal. I had no idea…" A sob escaped her, and she held tight to her husband.

"The labor was awful. I knew it wouldn't be a picnic, but the pains were sudden and so forceful I could barely breathe. I've assisted in enough births with Doc over the years to know something was wrong. Anna sent for Dr. Perrie, and I could tell by the look on his face that I was right. I'm not sure how long I labored, but I saw the sun set twice before it was over. She didn't cry when she arrived. After all the pain and fear, the room was completely silent. She was so small, Matt. I've never seen a baby that small. I held her tight to me…I kissed her face and told her all about you. I asked the doctor to leave us alone. The silence was deafening. I didn't let her go…even after she fell asleep for the last time. I wanted her to know I was there, and I always would be. I stayed that way with her in my arms until the doctor came back. I didn't want to hand her over to him. I didn't want her to be alone…"

She was sobbing openly, and Matt pulled her closer. "I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so sorry." He kissed her hair, his own tears falling freely down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry too. It didn't hit me til later that you'd never know your daughter. I didn't think the pain could get worse, but it did. And it was all my fault."

"Kitty, please. Don't. Don't carry that. You know I'm not angry at you. I know why you chose to leave. And that's on me for making you feel like you had no other option."

"But I needed you…"

He knew she wasn't the type to normally admit something like that, and it broke his heart. "I know, honey. I know." His hand raked through her hair. "And we can't go back. But I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere."

Her hold on him tightened. "You promise?" She sniffled into his shirt.

He buried his face in her hair. "I promise."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never been to New Orleans. I started to do research on the late 19th century in the city, but I started going down rabbit holes and knew if I didn't stop myself, this chapter might be delayed five years. ;) (I once had characters in a fic build a log cabin, and I went out and bought a book on how to build a log cabin. I get a little too into research sometimes.)

Matt tried not to let on, but he felt slightly overwhelmed.

Kitty had taken him exploring around the city she loved so much. Although he'd ventured out more than a handful of times since their arrival, he'd generally stuck to the few blocks around their home. He'd had his share of larger cities, but he'd never seen anything quite like New Orleans. One thing was for certain, he was not used to the hustle and bustle. The streets were full of people and buggies, everyone in a rush to get to their destinations.

But, his eyes were mainly on his wife as she pointed out places of interest and places she loved. He'd never seen her so enthusiastic. Her excited expression and animated chatter were infectious, and the further they went, the less he noticed the congestion and crowds. He began to see the city through her eyes, and found it was starting to have a definite charm to him.

After lunch at a small café in the French Market, she took his arm again and they walked silently for a time.

He was lost in thought, taking in everything around him, when Kitty stopped abruptly at a street corner and looked east.

"What?" Matt looked at her curiously.

She pursed her lips. "Come this way."

Kitty led him down several blocks and then turned onto a small dead end street. Matt got a knot in his stomach as she led him through the gates of a cemetery. He opened him mouth to say something, but her steady, determined walk through the graves and crypts gave him pause.

They walked into a small area tucked into the south corner, the grave markers much smaller than any others. His stomach dropped when he noticed the statue of a baby with wings placed in the middle of the graves. He hesitated, but she pulled him further, to a small grave by the fence. She said nothing when she stopped, and didn't look at him.

Matt swallowed the lump in his throat as he read the name on the marker – Alice Marie Dillon. The inscription under her name read 'I held you your whole life'.

"You…" he stopped, not able to say the words.

Kitty nodded, knowing what he was about to say. "She was yours, and I wanted her to have your name for all time."

He sucked in a watery breath and kneeled down, his fingers tracing the letters on the stone, which were soon blurred from tears. It was only after he felt Kitty's hand on his shoulder that he allowed them to fall.

"I picked this spot because it got the most sunlight. I didn't want her to be cold, or afraid. Children can be afraid of the dark."

Matt choked back a sob as his wife spoke matter-of-factly. He was determined to be the strong one. She needed that.

"I used to come every day, and stay for hours. Just whispering to her. It felt so lonely here, and I didn't want her to think I abandoned her. She still needed her mother."

Matt stood, not being able to take it anymore. He pulled Kitty close and held her tightly, a sob finally escaping his lips.

Her arms slid under his coat, her hands rubbing his back. Neither one had words.

After a time, he felt her start to tremble in his arms. He turned her chin up to see her tear stained face and kissed her forehead. "We should go, honey. I don't think it's good for you to be here."

Kitty shook her head. "I'm okay. I just…needed you to see."

He nuzzled her hair. "I wanted to see."

She pulled away from him and kneeled down to caress the stone. "Mommy loves you."

Matt helped her to her feet and they walked out of the cemetery, arms around one another.

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

They arrived home just as a storm hit, the rain coming down in sheets.

"You hungry?" Matt asked.

Kitty shook her head as she climbed the stairs. "No, I'm just cold."

He followed her up to their room, and started a fire in the fireplace.

"It was so nice out earlier," she commented as she began to disrobe.

"I'm just glad we didn't get caught in it." The fire started, he turned to her. "You want that long-sleeved thing?"

Kitty smiled to herself. "I'll get it." He'd been extra attentive lately. Perhaps a little too attentive – doing a lot of the cooking when Anna wasn't around, doing the dishes after they ate, constantly asking if she needed anything. It would normally have gotten on her nerves quickly. But after her last pregnancy, and their three years apart, not to mention the nineteen years the badge came first, she found she didn't mind much at all.

She pulled the nightgown from the dresser and started to slip it on when Matt came up behind her, his arms winding around her waist. He turned her to the full-length mirror. She watched as he nuzzled her neck, breathing her in. His hands cradled her belly.

"She's getting bigger every day, I think."

Kitty snorted. "You mean,  _I'm_  getting bigger every day."

"No, no. Besides, I like it."

She smiled, leaning in to his touch. "I know you do."

Her changing body was a source of endless fascination for her husband. And truth be told, her figure hadn't changed all that much. Not yet, anyway.

"Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really cold."

"Oh! Sorry. I got distracted there for a minute."

Kitty laughed. "It's late enough for bed, right?"

Matt shrugged. "Since when has the time of day stopped us?"

She swatted him with her nightgown before putting it on. "You really think it's a girl, Matt? Or are you just humoring me?"

"Well, I don't know. It's better than calling the baby 'it', isn't it?"

She climbed under the covers. "That is true."

He looked at her, snuggled under the blankets. "Boy, you waste no time, do you?"

"I told you. I'm cold. And it's rainy. I can't think of a better place to be, can you?"

Matt leaned over and kissed her cold nose. "No, I can't."

"Good. Hurry up and get in here."

He shook his head as he unbuttoned his pants. "I married a taskmaster."

Kitty watched as he undressed, marveling that even after all this time, she couldn't get enough of him. She also said a silent prayer of thanks that he still had a fantastic backside.

"I know you're staring," he said over his shoulder with a smile.

"It's an easy guess."

"Just remember that when I turn around, the cold does things to a man, you know."

Her laughter filled the room. "I remember. It was much colder in Dodge."

He gave her a look as he crawled under the covers. "Don't wound my pride, honey."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You come to bed naked an awful lot."

"Are you complaining?"

"No, but I was just thinking that you've really not worn anything to bed since we arrived here."

"Nothing but a smile, sweetheart."

She giggled. "I like it. You hardly ever even undressed back in Dodge." Her hand ran over his chest.

"I'm making up for lost time."

"We both are…" She leaned In and kissed him, but he resisted when she tried to deepen the kiss.

"Kitty…"

"What's wrong?" She nibbled at his neck.

"Are we just going to ignore what we did this afternoon?"

She sighed, stopping her ministrations. "I didn't know if you wanted to talk about it."

"I worry about you, Kit. I don't think it was a good idea for you to go there today."

"And what about you? Was it a good idea for you to go there?"

He hesitated before nodding. "I just think it weighs on you so much right now."

"Matt, it weighs on me all the time. I've just learned to live with it."

"Up until now." He placed his hand on her belly.

"Yeah." Her hand caressed his cheek. "I'm just so glad you're here," she said, her voice shaking.

He wrapped his arms around her. "Me too, honey."

She nuzzled his chest. "Make love to me."

"With pleasure." He kissed her, gently pushing her back against the pillows.

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Afterwards, Kitty lay in Matt's arms, her back pressed into his chest. His arm was draped over her, cradling her middle. The storm outside was still raging, and a clap of thunder made Kitty jump.

"It's getting bad out there."

Matt hummed noncommittally, his fingers making circles on her skin.

"Oh, I forget. You spent many a day and night out in weather like this."

"Yeah, and this is much more appealing." He kissed the back of her neck.

She laughed softly. "You know that tickles!"

"One of the many reasons I do it."

Kitty grasped Matt's hand on her belly. "She's moving again."

"Really?" He pressed gently but could feel nothing.

"Still too soon for you to feel."

"Yeah, I guess."

Her fingers gently ran over his. "You surprise me."

"I do?"

"Yeah. I didn't think you'd be so interested in this."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't know. I think because you were usually pretty closed off, it was hard to imagine you wanting to be so involved."

"I wasn't closed off. I told you I loved you."

"That's not what I meant." She didn't tell him that she had kept count of how many times he'd told her he loved her, and it wasn't exactly an impressive number for nineteen years. "You're just so much more open now. I'm not quite used to it."

"I didn't know it was something you'd have to adjust to," he said, his hand stilling her movements.

"Don't get angry." She turned so she could face him. "I don't think I'm explaining myself very well. I love how you are with me. It's just new and you still surprise me. After all these years, we get to see new sides of one another." She smiled sadly. "It feels like a miracle."

"What do you mean?" He propped himself up on one arm, the other still resting on her belly.

Kitty shook her head. "I wasn't supposed to be on the train that day. I was supposed to leave the next day. I changed my mind at the last minute. I'm not sure why I did. If I hadn't have done that, or if they hadn't had a compartment for me…"

His hand moved up to stroke her cheek. "But you were on the train. That's what matters."

"I know." She kissed his hand. "I just think of all the stars that had to align to get us here right now."

Matt smiled at her. "Probably a lot. But they did, and here we are."

She beamed at him. "We are so lucky."

"Yes, we are." He leaned in and kissed her softly, his hand moving back down to cradle her belly. "Still moving?"

She nodded happily, turning to snuggle back up against him. The sound of the storm outside their window, coupled with their baby's sweet movements inside her, lulled her into a peaceful sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

"Matt! Get up here! Quick!"

Matt threw down the newspaper he'd been reading and ran up the stairs two at a time. He'd left Kitty in the bedroom to take a nap several hours earlier, wanting to give her some peace and quiet. He pushed the bedroom door open, his heart pounding.

"Come here!" She was laughing, her hands on her stomach.

"What?"

Kitty looked up at him, taking in his panicked expression and heavy breathing. "Oh! Matt! I'm so sorry. I'm fine! But come here!"

The adrenaline was still coursing through him as he walked over and sat beside her on the edge of the bed. "You took about five years off my life there."

She ignored him and reached for his hand, placing it on her stomach. "Wait."

His breathing slowed as he sat there, waiting. Then he felt it. Something moving inside her, almost like a ripple. His eyes widened.

"Press," she said, pushing one of his fingers gently down where he'd felt the movement.

Matt gasped as the baby kicked right where his finger was.

Kitty laughed as he pressed again, and the baby responded. She looked up at him, his face full of wonder. "Amazing, isn't it?"

He nodded, his gaze intent on her middle. His hand ran over the curve of her stomach, now noticeable to all, even under her layers of clothing. "By golly, Kitty. There's a baby in there."

She laughed harder, her hand caressing his cheek. "Yes, there is a baby in there."

He frowned. "I didn't mean it that way…I mean…" It was finally real to him now.

"I know." She leaned in and kissed him. "I love you."

He smiled. "I love you too, honey."

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

"Matt," she protested. "You really don't have to do this."

"I want to, Kit."

She watched as her husband hauled bucket after bucket of steaming water up to the water closet, pouring the hot water into the large tub.

"You know, after all that work, you're getting in there with me."

He grinned, wiping his brow. "I was hoping you'd say that."

After three more buckets, he pronounced the tub ready for her. He walked over to the bed and held his hands out, helping her to her feet. Truthfully, she didn't need the help. But ever since he'd felt the baby move, he'd been extra protective. She occasionally had to bite her lip to keep from telling him she could still do things on her own. But then she realized he'd never doted on her before – no one ever did – and she admitted to herself that he  _was_  pretty adorable about the whole thing.

While she slipped her nightgown off, he checked the temperature of the water. She bit back a smile. "I trust you not to boil me like an egg."

Matt shook his head. "You just get in there. It's not going to stay hot forever, you know."

She playfully smacked his bottom as she walked by. "Same goes for you."

"You need help getting in?"

"I can manage. You just take those clothes off, cowboy."

As she settled into the tub, she watched as her husband disrobed in record time, his clothes falling to the floor.

"I'll pick those up later."

She narrowed her eyes at him playfully. "You certainly will."

Kitty moved forward as Matt climbed in the tub, settling himself behind her. He pulled her back to rest against him.

She sighed happily. "This feels amazing. Can we hire someone to fill our bath every day?"

"Works for me." He leaned down and kissed her ear.

She closed her eyes and relaxed in the not-too-hot water, Matt's arms winding around her. "Thank you for this."

"Hey, it wasn't entirely selfless, you know."

She giggled, her hands moving over her belly.

"Is she moving again?" His hands covered hers.

"A little," she replied. He'd become practically fanatical about feeling the baby move.

"What does it feel like?"

"Well, I don't know how to describe it, really. Maybe like a fish swimming around. Sometimes I think she's doing somersaults in there."

He didn't reply. He held her tighter and nuzzled her cheek.

"I have to say, your interest in the whole thing is pretty adorable."

Matt chuckled softly in her ear. "I had no idea it would be so fascinating. I know a lot of men don't really get so involved. But they have so much to do. They have to go out and work hard for their family. I don't have to do that."

"Retirement has its benefits."

"That it most certainly does." He began kissing her ear sucking gently on the sensitive skin.

Kitty squirmed. "This tub is pretty full, Matt. We start anything like that, and the floor will be soaked."

"We can get out…" He continued his attention to her ear.

"Oh no. The water is still plenty warm. I want to stay until it gets chilly."

He groaned, stopping his ministrations. "Okay, you win."

She snuggled back against him, running her hands over his arms. "Matt, do you ever think we're being kind of…I don't know…hedonistic?"

"Hedonistic?

"Yeah. Self-indulgent. We hardly ever leave the bed, let alone the house."

"Sweetheart, if anyone has earned the right to be self-indulgent, it's us."

"I guess you're right."

"Does it bother you?"

"No! I love it. I love having you all to myself for once." She smiled, bringing his hand to her belly to feel the baby kick. "Well,  _almost_  all to myself."

Matt smiled as he kissed her neck. "I guess we should get clean." He reached for the soap and cloth.

"Am I dirty, Mr. Dillon?"

"Very," he replied as he lathered the cloth and began running it over her body.

She hummed happily and rested her head on his shoulder. "You are so amazing…"

"I try my best."

He took extra care when he reached her middle, moving it in gentle circles. They both gasped as the baby moved, her belly visibly stirring with the movement.

"That was…"

Kitty giggled. "Yes it was."

"That is something, isn't it?"

She turned her face into his neck, kissing him softly. "I love you."

He leaned his head into hers. "I love you both."

Her breath hitched at his words. "Oh, Matt…"

He'd noticed that she'd been extra emotional as of late. At first it frightened him, as her anxiety about the health of the baby had finally begun to subside. But one night several weeks ago, he'd attempted an apple pie, and the results were not even remotely edible. She'd burst into tears at the sight of the blackened mess, telling him how sweet his gesture was. And then she'd quickly apologized for the outburst, saying something about 'hormones', which he really didn't get but decided to ask Doc about when he arrived.

Kitty cleared her throat and pulled the washcloth from his hand. "Now it's my turn."

"Nope." He grabbed the cloth from her and tossed it over his shoulder. "This was about you."

She grinned devilishly at him. "Washing you isn't an entirely selfless act, you know," she said, echoing his earlier comment.

"Next time. We need to do this more often anyway."

"Ooh, now we have another place to spend all our time. The bath and the bed. Good to have a little variety."

He chuckled softly. "Never say I didn't give you the world, honey." He pushed her forward gently and moved her hair over her shoulder. His hands started working the muscles of her neck, moving slowly down to her shoulders.

Kitty bowed her head to give him greater access. "Have I told you how amazing you are?"

"Not in the last five minutes, no." He found a tight spot and worked it gently with his thumb.

"I had no idea you were so talented. You've been holding out on me."

"I didn't want to give away all my secrets, you know."

She sighed happily as his hands moved down her back, moaning softly when he hit the knot in her back just right.

"I know, I'm amazing." His hands moved slowly back up to her shoulders, giving the muscles there a final squeeze.

Kitty raised her head dazedly. "Why did you stop? No stopping."

Matt shook his head with a smile. "The water is getting pretty chilly. I'm happy to continue this elsewhere."

She nodded her head slowly. "Okay, that'll work."

"Do you want me to wash your hair before we get out?"

She turned to him, a bewildered expression on your face. "You would do that, wouldn't you?"

He shrugged. "Sure. Something wrong with that?"

She reached out and touched his cheek. "No, not at all. You just continue to surprise me."

"I think I surprise myself, too."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know. The cooking and the dishes and all this stuff. It's not something I could have ever seen myself doing."

Kitty smiled. "What changed?"

He grabbed her hand and kissed it. "You came back to me and agreed to be my wife. I know you can take care of yourself, honey. I just don't want you to have to. I'm just lucky you haven't gotten tired of me yet."

She leaned in and kissed him. "I will never tire of this. Never."

Their lips parted when Matt felt a shiver run through her. "You're cold. Let's get you out and by the fire."

She nodded, her forehead rubbing against him.

He gingerly stepped out of the tub and then turned to help Kitty out. "Let's put this on you for now," he said, reaching for her fluffy robe and wrapping it around her.

She left him to dress and went over to the fireplace in their room, choosing to sit on the floor with her back against the large chair she'd bought for Matt years ago.

"Have I told you how grateful I am that you kept this?" He approached her and maneuvered himself so that he was between Kitty and the chair. He pulled her back to rest against his chest.

"I just…couldn't bear to part with it. I saw myself sitting with our child, still surrounded by you even though you were far away."

Matt reached for the heavy blanket on the chair and draped it over them, hugging her tight.

Kitty turned on her side and nuzzled his neck. "I'm really glad you're here now…"

He heard the tears in her voice before he felt them on his skin. It wasn't the first time she'd said that to him; she'd been voicing it frequently as of late, usually crying when she did so. He was getting used to the tears, mainly because she only got emotional when she was happy. He'd take this over the fear and anxiety she suffered earlier in her pregnancy.

He cradled her head and kissed her hair. "I'm glad too, honey."

She sniffled and wiped her face with the blanket. "I could watch the fire all night," she said, snuggling deeper into his embrace.

"You warm now?"

She yawned before replying. "Mmm hmm. Very."

"Sleepy?"

"No, just cozy."

Matt smiled, knowing she'd doze off soon enough. He stroked her hair to help her along. Just looking at her lately evoked an almost overwhelming desire to protect her. He felt it like a physical thing. He'd had those feelings occasionally in the past, but always pushed them away. She was fiercely independent, and on the rare occasion she actually needed protection, he tried hard not to let his feelings show to anyone.

But seeing her now, like this – heavy with his child – he indulged his desire as much as she'd allow. He'd never seen her so terrified as she was a few months ago. Seeing her completely overcome by her fear was foreign to him. Normally she held herself together, even after the Jude Bonner incident. She never cried in front of him then, and it damn near drove him mad.

Kitty stirred and made a sweet little noise of contentment. He smiled and began making small circles on her growing belly.

He meant what he'd told her earlier – he was surprising himself. He'd never allowed himself the luxury of thinking about what he'd be like as a husband. It just wasn't in the cards for him. But now here he was, his wife by his side, and he found that he didn't mind doing dishes or cooking occasionally. He didn't mind spending all his time with her. Pampering her and indulging her every whim made him happy. Not that she asked for much of anything.

Matt looked at her now, sleeping peacefully in his embrace.

No. He didn't mind doing any of those things at all.


	19. Chapter 19

"I love you so much, Matt."

"I know, honey."

"Oh…right there. Harder."

"Right here?"

"Yes…deeper please…"

Kitty's feet were in Matt's lap, his thumbs pressing into the swollen flesh.

"Just a little more, and then I'll get dinner going."

"Honey, I told you – you don't have to do that. I can make dinner."

She raised her head off the arm of the sofa to look at him. "And I told you I wanted to do it. Doc'll be here in a few days and I want to dote on my husband a little before he gets here. Besides, we may never really have this house to ourselves again, you know," she said, giving him a suggestive look.

"Well, now that you mention it, children do stay in the family home for quite some time. You may be on to something there."

"We might as well just go right to bed after dinner. I'm not sure how much quality sleep we'll be getting with a baby in the house."

He shook his head and brought her foot to his lips for a kiss. "I married a genius."

Kitty laughed, a deep, hearty laugh that rang through the house. "Okay, let me get dinner going." He moved to help her up off the sofa and she held her hand out to stop him. "No, no. I can do it."

Matt bit his lip as he watched her flounder slightly before getting to her feet. She'd finally begun pushing back against his offers to help her. At first he was a little hurt by it, but one day he watched her face scrunch up with determination while she attempted to reach down and successfully put her shoes on without help, and he saw a glimpse of the fiercely independent woman he fell in love with so long ago.

He decided not to follow her into the kitchen. He was trying not to hover, although she was starting to get a little wobbly. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the arm of the sofa while he listened to his wife make dinner.

"Hey Matt," Kitty called.

"Mmm hmm?"

"Do you think the baby will be here before Christmas?"

"Maybe, although I'd venture to say you and Doc might know more about that than I do."

The reality of his impending fatherhood was becoming clearer with each passing day. He and Kitty had gone out the week prior and purchased clothing and other essentials for the baby. He wondered what she did with all of the things she had bought for Alice, but decided it best not to ask. The only input he had was convincing her not to buy girly things. As convinced as she was that the baby would be a girl, they would not know until it was born, and he didn't want any potential son of his wearing something pink and frilly.

He had, however, written Doc and asked him to buy the baby something pink. If it was a girl, he wanted to surprise Kitty with it.

It wasn't long before he'd dozed off and Kitty gently shook him awake. "Hungry, Cowboy?"

He smiled and pulled her in for a kiss. "I'm always hungry."

She laughed and went into the kitchen. He followed and leaned against the doorway, watching her pour their drinks and humming a tune. She made him feel like a young man again. He couldn't get enough of her, especially now that she was full with his child.

Kitty turned around and caught him staring. "See something you like?"

He smiled and approached her, winding his arms around her. "You bet I do."

She dodged his kiss. "Food first. You'll need your strength, Mr. Dillon."

"Yes ma'am!"

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Matt and Kitty lay in front of the fire spooning, which was a term Matt had never heard of before but Kitty insisted was a real thing. Whatever it was called, he didn't care. Having her naked body pressed against his was really all that mattered.

That naked body was currently snuggling deeper into his embrace. "Thank you for making this…nest for us."

He chuckled. "It was easy enough. I just raided every closet and room in the house for pillows and blankets. You certainly have enough of them."

"Well, you never know when you might need them." She pulled his hand to her lips and kissed it softly.

He responded in kind, giving her neck the sort of attention he knew she loved.

She tipped her head forward to give him greater access. "Mmmm…aren't you tired?"

"No." His mouth traveled to her ear. "Are you?"

"Not at all…" She attempted to turn over, but only made it onto her back. She sighed heavily. "I sometimes forget how enormous I am."

"You are not enormous." He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her nose. "I've never seen you so beautiful."

Kitty gave him a look. "Really?"

"Yes. Really."

"So, once I have the baby and my body goes back to somewhat normal, I won't be as beautiful?"

He sighed. He had to tread carefully. He knew all too well the consequences of meaning well but still saying the wrong thing. "That's not what I meant, honey."

She leaned away from him with some effort. "Well then what did you mean?"

Matt frowned. The last thing he needed to say was to tell her not to get upset. He did that once and boy did it backfire. "You were the most beautiful sight I'd ever laid eyes on when I noticed you in the café. You were even more beautiful the night we formally met, and so on. That's what I meant."

"What's the 'so on'?"

He bit back a sigh. She was never one for needing reassurance on anything, especially her looks. And he wasn't exactly an expert on such matters. Nonetheless, he tried to speak with confidence. "Well, once I started to get to know you. The first time I saw you kick a man where it counts for putting his unwanted hands on you. The day I came home from a long trip and found out you'd bought into the Long Branch." He paused and reached over to caress her face. "The first time we made love. And every time after."

"Oh, Matt…"

He breathed a sigh of relief when she reached for him and kissed him deeply.

"I need you," she whispered against his lips.

"I'm here, sweetheart." He let his hands roam over her breasts and the swell of her belly. Her legs opened lazily for him as he ventured lower to tease the spot she loved the most.

Kitty sighed happily as his hand worked its magic, gasped as his mouth moved to her breasts. He was extra gentle and used a lighter touch than she liked, but after she yelped when he squeezed a little too hard several weeks prior, he treated her like she was made of glass. He knew it frustrated her, but he couldn't bear the thought of hurting her again. It took a week of convincing on her part for him to make love to her again.

"Turn back over, honey." He guided her back on her side, continuing to tease her with his mouth and hands.

"I don't like it this way," she protested. "I can't see you. I can't touch you…"

"How do you want to be?"

"I want you over me, surrounding me."

"We can't do that, Kit. It's too uncomfortable for you on your back."

She groaned and buried her face into her pillow.

"Relax, sweetheart…" He kept on kissing her neck while his fingers glided gently over her the curve of her stomach. "I love this so much. I love seeing you like this."

Kitty hummed happily. "I know you do."

"We did this. You and me…" His lips moved to her ear.

"Matt, don't start that talk," she whispered. "I'll start crying again."

He chuckled. Truth be told, she cried often when they made love. At first it terrified him, thinking he'd hurt her or the baby. But again, they were just happy tears. He was used to them, and if he was honest with himself, slightly sorry to see them go soon. "You know I don't mind that."

"Maybe I do. Crying isn't exactly a turn on."

He sucked at her earlobe. "Honey, you could never do anything to turn me off."

"I'm beginning to see that." She reached back awkwardly to touch him but didn't get very far. "Matt..."

"Scoot your leg over," he said, grabbing a pillow to slid under her knee.

She sighed. "I hate having to be propped up for sex."

He shushed her. "You comfortable?"

Kitty nodded. "As much as I can be."

"Honey…"

She turned to look at him. "I'm sorry, love. I just feel…awkward."

"We don't have to do this, you know."

"I want to." She pulled him in for a kiss. "I really want to."

"Yeah?" His hand slid between her thighs.

She nodded, her lips moving against his.

He entered her slowly, carefully. Despite her feeling enormous and awkward, she was more responsive to him than ever before. This time was no different, and soon she was all but begging him for more. He continued his slow pace, however, not wanting to hurt her or the baby.

"Matt…please…"

He shushed her, and moved his hand to her most sensitive spot, but he could tell it did nothing to ease her frustration. "Relax, honey." He slowed his efforts even more, taking his sweet time making love to her.

Kitty didn't have much leverage, but she pushed back against him as best she could. "Please…you won't hurt me…"

"Okay sweetheart." He increased his pace, but would not go deeper. He hoped the concession was good enough, and judging by his wife's reaction, it was.

She reached around to tangle her hand in his hair, holding him as close as her position would allow. "Yes…yes…yes...just like that…don't stop…"

Suddenly her belly moved, and he instantly stopped what he was doing.

"What? Matt, what?" She looked over her shoulder and saw what he was looking at. "Oh, honey, it's fine. Please…"

He took a deep breath. Making love to Kitty when she was newly pregnant was honestly the best sex they'd ever had. But now that she was really showing, and he could see the baby moving, he was terrified he might do something to hurt either one of them. And it wasn't something he could ask anyone about. But, if she said it was okay, he would trust that it was. With that in mind, he resumed making love to her.

"That's it…right there…for the love of God, Matt…don't stop…please…"

"I won't, honey. Let go for me."

"There…there…please…"

She had never pleaded with him so much, and he decided that short of the house burning down, he would not stop. "Come on, love…"

The moment he spoke the words, she came hard and fast. She also did something else she never did before – she screamed. At first he thought he'd hurt her, but she didn't stop rocking against him, so he went with it. And before long her orgasm had rolled into another one, and he found himself feeling a mixture of fascination, wonder, and pride. Watching her fueled his own arousal, and soon he found his own end, groaning into sweet skin of her neck.

It took him a moment to recover, and then he rose up on his elbow. "You alright?" She did not respond, and he started to panic. "Kitty? Are you alright?"

She waved her hand at him, her face still buried in her pillow. "Shhh," she whispered. "Just stay…" She blindly reached for his hand and pulled it to her lips. "Wow…I don't…I don't even know what happened…"

Matt chuckled in her ear. "It's definitely a new thing."

"I almost blacked out, I think."

He laughed then, a full hearty laugh that rang through the room. "I don't know if that's a good thing or not."

She stiffened beside him. "Are you laughing at me?"

"What? Kitty, no. Honey, are you kidding?" He pushed himself up and gently rolled her over to face him. "Why would you think that?"

She shrugged halfheartedly and ran her hand down his arm. "I don't know…"

"Kitty, look at me." He pushed her chin up so her eyes connected with his. "Never ever doubt that what just happened was the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life."

Her eyes lit up. "Really?"

He nodded, leaning in for a kiss. "Yes, really. Did it bother you, or hurt you?"

She shook her head. "No, no. Nothing like that. I just…I don't think I've ever…" She trailed off, her hand still running up and down his arm.

Matt wasn't exactly sure what the issue was, but then again her behavior as of late sometimes left him feeling clueless. "Honey, how long have we been together? Over twenty years. I love being with you, making you feel that way. If I could do whatever it was I did to make you react like that again, I'd do it every damn time. Does that help?"

A smile spread across her face and she pulled him in for a kiss. "Yes. It most certainly does." They kissed slowly and sweetly until he felt the baby kick against him. She laughed softly and released him. "Hold me?"

"Absolutely." He kissed her forehead and lay back down behind her, pulling her close.

Her fingers trailed over his as she sighed in contentment. "You are the most patient man I have ever known."

"Well, I don't know about that."

"No, you definitely are. I know I've been through this before, but this time feels so different. I never let my guard down the last time. There was no one I fully trusted, or could feel vulnerable with. I guess now that it's different, my emotions are all over the place."

Matt's heart ached to think of her like this, all alone without him to lean on. "Honey, I don't mind that at all. I do get a little confused sometimes, and I know I occasionally say the wrong thing, but I wouldn't change a minute. I don't want to be anywhere else." He gave her a squeeze for emphasis.

"See? I'm going to cry now…" she sniffled into her pillow.

He chuckled to himself. "That's fine, honey. You go ahead and cry all you want." He tugged her hand down to curl around the swell of her belly, both cradling their child as they fell asleep in front of the fire.


	20. Chapter 20

Kitty stood at the bedroom window and watched as the snow fell. New Orleans hadn't seen a snowstorm in years, and while beautiful, she hated the timing.

Matt entered the room and approached his wife, wrapping his arms around her. "Looks awful pretty out there," he said, planting a kiss on her head.

She frowned. "Did it have to be today, though?"

He chuckled. "The timing is inconvenient, I'll admit. But I promise to get Doc from the train station to here in one piece."

Kitty whirled around to face her husband. "What do you mean? I'm going with you!"

"I don't think it's a good idea. I stepped outside a little while ago and it's freezing. It's also pretty wet and deep snow."

"Matt, I appreciate your input, but I'm coming with you."

He sighed. "I just think it would be better if you stayed here and got the fire going downstairs. It'll be nice and warm for Doc when he gets here."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're trying to manipulate me."

Matt shrugged in defeat. "Maybe. I know you're not fragile, but I think you know by now that I'm a little…"

"Controlling?"

"No! Do you really think that? I don't make you do anything you don't want to!"

Kitty smiled at him. "I was joking. But you have been a touch overprotective lately."

He nodded. "Yes, and we talked about that. I agreed to stop hovering and you agreed to indulge me a little."

"So you want me to indulge you now?"

"I'd appreciate it, yes. Looks kinda icy out there too. If you want to come, you'll bundle up and agree to hold on to my arm at all times."

She grit her teeth. Truthfully, she wasn't all that fond of going out in the storm. But her heart was set on meeting Doc. And, she had to admit to herself, a big part of her wanted to push back against Matt. Her stubborn streak was still alive and well.

"You don't have to decide right now. We still have a few hours."

She frowned. "No, you make a good point. I'll stay home."

"Are you sure? I feel like I pressured you…"

"You did. But I don't want to fight, and it does look pretty cold out there."

Matt pulled her into his arms. "Why do I feel guilty all of a sudden?"

"Don't. It's okay. I know you're only thinking about us." She stood on tiptoe and kissed him. "However, I do have a request."

"Okay."

"Don't coddle me in front of Doc, okay? I have a feeling he's going to be just as overprotective as you are, and I don't want to be tag-teamed."

Matt laughed. "That's a very simple and understandable request. I have no problem with it."

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Kitty sat by the fire, a blanket draped over her legs. She had dozed a little when Matt left for the train station, but her excitement over Doc's arrival was palpable. She ran her hand over her belly. "Your grandpa will be here soon, little one." The baby nudged her as if in acknowledgement.

Truthfully, she hadn't asked Doc if he would be the baby's honorary grandfather. She assumed he wouldn't mind, but still wanted to talk to him about it before addressing him as such.

The baby squirmed and kicked, and she couldn't help but laugh. Feeling her child move inside her filled her with such joy. "Getting cramped in there, aren't you? Just a little longer until you can come out."

Kitty had been seeing Dr. Perrie regularly during her pregnancy, but told him about Doc coming and how she really wanted him to be a part of the process when he arrived. The doctor understood, and asked to meet with Doc to go over everything thus far.

According to the doctor, she had about six to eight weeks to go. Kitty was both excited and terrified. Though she'd managed to keep it to herself, she was still fearful that this time would end up like the last. Dr. Perrie assured her that there was nothing to indicate that she couldn't have a healthy baby, and this baby seemed very healthy. No one really understood her fear, not even Matt. He was supportive and empathetic, but she was the one that gave birth to a child that died in her arms. She knew the fear would not go away until after the baby was born.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening and Doc and Matt shuffling in out of the cold.

"It's colder than Finnegan's feet the day they buried him!" Doc shook the snow off as Matt put Doc's wet suitcases aside and shut the door.

"Doc!" Kitty moved to get up, but Doc put his hand up.

"You just sit there nice and warm now. I'll come to you."

Kitty still managed to rise off the sofa to engulf her old friend in a hug. "I missed you so much."

"I think maybe I missed you a little too." He held her for a few moments, and then stepped back. "Now, let me see you."

"There's a bit more of me now," she grinned.

"Well, I'll say. That's a good look on you."

"Thanks Doc."

"And how do you feel?"

"I feel just fine." She clasped her hands on top of her belly and looked over at Matt. "Honey, what are you doing?"

Matt was fumbling with the handle of one of Doc's suitcases. "I got this scarf tangled. I don't know…"

Kitty and Doc laughed. "While he's taking care of that, why don't we get you settled in. I'll make you something to eat too."

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

After dinner, the three gathered by the fire.

"I got a letter from Hannah last month. She said she was doing very well and the Long Branch isn't getting busted up half as much as it used to."

Doc nodded. "Dodge can still be rough on occasion, but it's changed a lot. I don't tend to as many bullet wounds as I used to."

"Sounds like Newly is doing a fine job," offered Matt.

"Oh yes, he is." Doc looked over at Matt. "Of course no one could fill your boots."

Matt chuckled. "Well, I don't know about that."

"How is Festus?"

Doc swiped at his mustache and turned to Kitty. "You know, I hate to say it, but not too bad. He and Newly work well together. Just don't tell him I said that. He said he wants to come visit and see the baby." Doc let out a laugh. "Could you imagine Festus in New Orleans?"

"It's a lot different from the hills and Dodge," said Kitty. "But I think it would be fun to show him around."

Matt sipped the last of his whiskey. "Doc, can I get you another?"

"Oh no. One is just fine for me."

Matt took the two glasses into the kitchen.

"You look tired, Kitty," offered Doc.

"Oh no. I don't get tired half as much as I used to." She smiled at him. "I'm so glad you're here. I feel a lot better now."

Doc returned her smile. "I'm pretty anxious to meet this little one."

She nodded. "Doc, can I ask you something?"

"Sure you can."

"Would you...I mean…would you mind being the baby's grandfather? She doesn't have one, and well, you're the closest thing to a father I've ever had, and I was just thinking that it would be nice…" She stopped and looked at him. His eyes were shining with tears.

"I'd be honored, Kitty."

She leaned over and hugged him tight. "Thank you Doc."

He gave her a squeeze before releasing her. "No, thank you."

Matt came back from the kitchen. "Doc, can I get you anything else?"

"No, no. Nothing for me. I think I'm going to head on up to bed." Doc rose from the sofa.

Matt looked at Kitty, taking in her tired expression. "I think we all are."

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Kitty sat up in bed humming a tune as she ran her hands over her belly.

"Aren't you tired?" Matt called from the water closet.

"Not really. I didn't do much today. What would I be tired from?" Much to her frustration, Doc and Matt insisted on not only cooking, but cleaning up as well. It was Doc's first day with them, so she fumed silently. She could tell she'd have to speak up soon if that was how things were going to go.

Matt came out of the water closet with his hands up. "Okay, I'll admit the dinner thing was a bit much. But he just got here, honey. He wants to take care of you." He climbed up on the bed beside her. "Will you let him? Just for a little while?" He leaned in and kissed her. "Huh? Just a few days? A week at most…" He kissed her again.

She laughed as she returned the kiss. "Okay. Just a little while. But you know I get frustrated…"

"I know you do. And I suppose if he thought about it, he might figure it out too. But it took him longer than he thought to get here. I think he's just trying to make up for lost time."

"I know…Ow!" She rubbed her side.

"Little Bit?"

Kitty smiled at his nickname for the baby. "Yeah. That was a rough one."

Matt leaned down and kissed her belly. "You be good to your momma, okay?"

She ran her hand through his hair as he rested his head against her. He'd begun talking to the baby several days ago and every time he did it, she thought her heart might burst. Oh, if those outlaws could see him now…

She sighed in contentment as she continued to run her hand through his hair. "I'm so glad he's here, Matt. Are you glad?"

He kissed her belly again before he sat up. "Of course I am. I just hope he's glad."

"Matt! Why would you say something like that?"

"It was a joke, Kitty. He wouldn't come if he didn't want to."

She frowned. "I know. And he did say he'd stay until the baby came, and if we all agreed to it, he'd stay permanently. I hope he does, Matt. I feel like I have everything I could ever want now."

He kissed her temple. "I know he's happy to be here too. By golly, he didn't stop asking me questions about you and the baby the entire ride here!"

Kitty laughed softly. "It was nice just sitting by the fire with him, hearing about Dodge and everyone. Could you imagine if Festus  _did_  come to visit? I wonder what he'd think of the big city?"

"Well, I don't know, but it might be worth finding out!"

"I miss it sometimes," she said wistfully.

"Do you want to go back?"

"No, do you?"

He shook his head. "Nope. I'm good right here."

"I'm glad, Cowboy." She leaned in and kissed him.

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

"All I'm saying is, I think it's a good idea. You two should go have fun," Kitty said as she finished drying the last of the breakfast plates.

"But it won't be fun without you, honey."

Kitty made a face at her husband. "You see how well I've trained him, Doc?" She dodged the small towel Matt tossed at her.

"How are you feeling?" Doc asked.

Kitty took a deep breath. He'd asked her that at least three times a day since he'd arrived. "I told you, I'm fine. You two go. I don't need to be watched. This might be the last time you two have a boys night out for a while, you know."

Doc looked at Matt. "Up to you."

"If the lady wants it, the lady gets it." Matt smiled at his wife. "I think we can trust her to be on her own for an evening."

She playfully narrowed her eyes at him. "That's right. I promise not to get into any trouble."

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Kitty made sure the fire in the fireplace was out before she headed upstairs. It was a cold night and she wanted to get in bed. Her back had been sore since the morning, but she managed to hide it, for fear of her boys canceling their night out.

She was glad to see them go out and have a good time. It wasn't healthy for them to stay all but glued to her side. She knew they meant well, and they loved her, but they were still men. She idly wondered if they were the first men in history to hover over a pregnant woman.

She reached the doorway of the bedroom and felt a sharp pang across her middle. She leaned against the door until it passed. Her heart pounded in her chest, but she forced herself to calm down. It was probably nothing. It was way too early, anyway.

Another sharp pain hit her as she entered the bedroom, and she managed to make it to the bed before falling to her knees. The pain had stolen her breath, and she held on to the bedpost, trying to breathe through it.  _No, no, no, no. This is not happening…_  She kept repeating it in her head like a mantra. If she said it enough times, maybe she would believe it and it would stop.

She cried out as another wave of pain crashed over her. She leaned her head against the bedpost and willed the pain to stop. As it subsided, she felt something warm and sticky on her leg. She looked down, and to her horror, there was a trail of blood across the floor.


	21. Chapter 21

Doc and Matt entered the dark house and hung their coats and hats by the door.

"Kitty must've gone to bed."

"Yeah. Hopefully she's got a fire going up there." Matt replied. "Cold night."

"Every night here has been a cold one. Every day, too. I thought the weather was supposed to be nicer here."

Matt chuckled as they climbed the stairs. "I don't know, Doc. It's my first winter here too, you know."

He was the first to hear moaning coming from the bedroom. He double timed it up the stairs, Doc on his heels.

"Kitty?!" Matt ran into the bedroom and was momentarily stunned by the sight before him. Kitty was huddled on the floor, shaking and moaning. There was blood all over the floor. His heart dropped when he realized his wife was covered in blood as well. Her legs, her hands, her nightgown. He'd seen a lot of death, but never this much blood.

Doc did not hesitate as Matt did. His long years as a doctor propelled him into action. "Kitty, honey, when did this start?" He knelt down beside her.

She shook her head, her eyes unfocused. "Why is there so much blood? I tried to stop it. I tried…"

"I know you did." He looked up at Matt, still frozen in the doorway. "Matt, get my bag. Right now."

Kitty leaned into Doc as another contraction hit her. "Make it stop Doc. Please…"

"Everything's going to be alright." Doc frowned, pushing the tiniest bit of doubt deep down. Everything was going to be alright. He'd see to it.

Matt ran back into the room with the bag.

"Get her on the bed." Doc commanded.

He reached for his wife and picked her up. She clung to him, sobbing.

"Please make it stop, Matt. Please…"

"Everything's going to be alright, honey. I promise." He placed her gently on the bed, but she would not let go of him, gripping his shirt with bloody hands.

"Please Matt…"

The fear in her voice went right to his heart. He had no time to react, however, as Doc pushed him aside.

"Move out of the way."

Matt watched as Doc pulled Kitty's nightgown up to examine her. All the while, she fought him.

"Kitty, I need you to stop, or I'm going to have to have Matt hold you down."

Matt kneeled down by the bed and forced her to look at him. "Honey, you have to calm down. Let Doc check you." He stroked her cheek and kissed her forehead. Her shaky hand gripped his. But it was the terror in her eyes that nearly did him in.

Doc sat up, his examination complete for the moment. He pulled her nightgown down but kept one hand on her knee, stroking it gently. "Kitty, this baby is coming."

She shook her head violently. "NO! It's too early. Doc…it's too early…please…"

Doc took a deep breath and motioned for Matt to move aside. He sat on the edge of the bed and waited until the latest contraction stopped. He gripped her hand tightly. "Kitty, honey. Now I want you to listen to me. You have to calm down. You're only going to make this harder on yourself, and the baby. I know you're scared. But this baby is coming. That's not something we can stop. You understand me?"

Kitty nodded, tears streaming down her face.

"That's a good girl." Doc turned to Matt. "I'm going to go get a few things. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Matt took Doc's place at his wife's side, holding her shaking hands in his. "It's gonna be alright, honey."

"No, it isn't. It's too soon…I can't…"

"Yes you can. You have to. Little Bit is counting on you."

She let out a sob at his mention of the baby's nickname. "Help me sit up?"

He did as she asked, and she wrapped her arms tightly around him. "So scared, Matt," she cried into his shoulder.

"I know, honey." He tightened his hold on her trembling body.

"Please stay." She grabbed fistfuls of his shirt.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Doc returned and pulled his stethoscope out of his bag. "Stay still and quiet, honey," he said to Kitty.

She watched nervously as he attempted to hear the baby's heartbeat. Doc looked at her and smiled, handing her the stethoscope. "Listen."

Kitty's eyes opened wide as she heard the steady heartbeat of the baby, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"That's a good, strong heartbeat. Kitty."

She choked back a sob. "Let me keep it so I can listen?"

Doc patted her hand. "Of course."

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Kitty's fear grew with each contraction. They were getting longer and closer together now, and her mind was fixated on all the things that could go wrong. As much as Doc and Matt tried to reassure her, she could not accept that everything would be alright. She wasn't bleeding as much as she had been, but it was no comfort. She'd assisted enough births with Doc to know it wasn't normal.

She refused to leave Matt's arms, positioning herself on her side, her head on his chest. With each contraction, she clung to him, her hands gripping his shirt.

She started to moan as another contraction started, and Matt held her tighter. "Just breathe, honey. You're doing so good, Kit."

She buried her face in his shirt as the contraction eased up. Memories of her previous labor flooded her mind. She'd had Dr. Perrie and Anna by her side, but neither one could ease the fear and heartbreak she felt. All she wanted was Matt. "I'm so glad you're here," she whispered.

"Me too, sweetheart."

Doc sat in the chair by the fireplace, keeping track of the length of the contractions and the time between them. Kitty watched him closely, but he gave no outward indication that he felt anything was wrong. He stood then, and she rolled over to allow him to examine her progress.

"Progressing nicely," he said, taking the stethoscope from around her neck to listen to the baby's heartbeat. "I think you've got a good strong baby in there, Kitty."

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

She had no concept of time, only contractions that grew so intense and unrelenting she could not focus on anything else. Doc and Matt kept saying things to her, but she could not hear them.

"Kitty…Kitty…" Doc patted her knee. "Let me see how we're doing."

She did not reply, but allowed him to examine her.

Doc looked up at her. "Well, it's time to push."

An intense feeling of dread bubbled up inside her. As much as she wanted the baby, thoughts of Alice would not leave her. She had no choice but to face the thing she feared the most.

Matt had moved to the other side of the bed to give Kitty room to do what she needed. But once she started to cry again, he moved closer.

"Everything's going to be okay, honey."

"No. I don't want to," she sobbed.

Doc shared a look with Matt. "Kitty, sit up some. Matt, you get behind her so she can lean back against you if she needs to."

Mat did as he was asked, happy to finally be of help in some way.

Kitty took hold of his arms and pulled them tighter around her. "Scared, Matt," she whispered.

"I know, honey. But you know what you have to do. Little Bit needs you."

Doc held her legs steady as he coached her. Surprisingly, she found that pushing was almost a relief. Physically, anyway. Her mind was at war with her body, but she was no longer in control of the latter.

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Doc looked at his watch. It had been close to two hours since Kitty had started to push, and he could see her growing more tired with each contraction. It alarmed him, but he pushed the feeling aside. He could tell Matt was concerned as well.

"Alright, next one, Kitty. Push, honey."

"No, I can't. I'm too tired…" Her head moved restlessly against Matt's chest.

"Yes you can," Doc said. "You don't have a choice." He looked at Matt.

Matt, for his part, was running out of encouraging things to say. He tried to hide it, but panic started to well within him. There was one technique he hadn't tried, and he wasn't too comfortable with doing it, but they were running out of options.

"Kitty, you have to stop crying. I know you're scared. But you need to let that go and focus on getting this baby out." His voice was stern and both Doc and Kitty looked at him in surprise. Doc said nothing, but Kitty was not pleased.

"I know what has to happen, Matt! I've been trying!"

"That's the problem. Stop trying and start doing."

Doc's eyes widened, but he knew what Matt was trying to do, and he thought it just might work.

"Matt…"

Matt almost caved at the weak sound of her voice, but couldn't. He knew it would soon become a matter of life and death if the birth did not progress. Doc signaled the start of another contraction, and Matt curled his big frame around his wife. "PUSH, Kitty. That's it. Harder."

As angry as she was at Matt for being so hard with her, she couldn't focus on it. She could feel the baby's head begin to emerge, and could hear Doc encouraging her.

"That's it, Kitty. Don't stop. The head is almost out…Good girl…A little more…There you go…"

She took a deep breath and leaned back on Matt before pushing again. One more push and it was over.

"Kitty, I'll tell you one thing. I'm pretty sure this little one has your hair."

She sobbed at that, and Matt kissed her on the cheek. "Almost there, honey."

"Last push, Kitty," Doc coached.

She nodded and gathered what strength she had left, pushing and pushing until the baby was out. The exertion had her gasping for breath, but everything else faded as she watched Doc lift the baby and spanked its bottom, eliciting a cry from the infant. She reached out with shaky hands and all but grabbed the child from Doc.

"Oh my God...Oh…" She nestled the baby in her arms, running her hands over arms and legs. "I knew you were a girl," she sobbed. She lifted the baby and kissed her face over and over.

Doc pulled out his stethoscope and placed it on the baby's chest. "Good, strong heartbeat," he pronounced.

"Doc? She's so little…I've never seen a baby so little before…"

Doc sat back on the bed. "Well yes, she's very small. But her heart is strong and judging by that cry, she's got a good set of lungs. Those are the big things. We just have to keep her warm at all times, and fatten her up."

Matt could only stare at the baby, overwhelmed. She was tiny. The smallest he'd ever seen for sure. Even the Roninger's triplets were bigger. His hand reached out and cradled the baby's head. "My God, Kitty. Look at what you did."

Kitty sniffled. "It wasn't all me. You helped."

"Yeah, but only the fun part."

Doc bit back a smile. "Kitty, one last thing to do, and we're all done."

Kitty all but ignored him as he poked and prodded and assisted in the delivery of the afterbirth.

"Hi, sweet baby…" She ran her fingers over the baby's tiny face. "She's so perfect, Matt."

"I know." He kissed her again. "I'm so proud of you."

She smiled, and nestled her head in the crook of his neck. "So glad you're here."

Matt smiled. "Me too."

Doc, who had largely finished his duties, reached out for the baby. "I'll bathe her real quick for you."

Kitty shook her head. "Not right now." She held the baby tighter.

Doc nodded. "Then I'll be right back."

Matt rubbed a finger over the baby's head. "Kit, she looks just like you."

"No! She has your…" she paused, trying to come up with something.

"She has my kidneys. That's about all."

Kitty laughed, and turned to look at him, resting her forehead against his. "I love you so much."

He pulled her in for a kiss. "I didn't think I could love you more. I was wrong."

She choked back a sob. "Don't start me crying again."

Doc came back into the room, carrying a basin of water and some clothing. "I'm going to leave this here," he said, placing the basin on the nightstand. "And I grabbed some warm clothes for the baby. A blanket too. If you want to clean her up, I'd do it soon before the water gets cool."

"Thanks Doc." Kitty looked up at him with shining eyes. "For all of this."

He smiled, and bent over to kiss her forehead. "You don't have to thank me. Where else would I be for the birth of my granddaughter?" He stroked the baby's head. "I'm going to leave you all alone for a bit. I'll see about something to eat for us all."

Matt nodded at him. "Thanks Doc."

Doc winked at him before taking his leave of the new little family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know preemies didn't fare too well back then, but I'm the ruler of this universe, and I have no desire to be historically accurate there. Not to spoil, but the baby will be just fine. I don't want anyone worrying. Kitty does enough of that for everyone. :)


	22. Chapter 22

Kitty kept running her fingers over her daughter's soft skin. She'd cleaned her up and put her in her long clothes, then wrapped her in her blanket. The room wasn't cold, but she wanted to make sure the baby was warm as Doc had said.

The baby stared at her with big blue eyes. Only a few hours old, Kitty thought her exceptionally alert. She tried and failed several times to stop comparing her to Alice. She said nothing to Doc or Matt about it, however.

Matt sat next to her, watching her hold the baby. She hadn't relinquished her for a moment since her birth. He understood why and wanted to be patient, but could not deny that he was excited to hold his daughter for the first time.

Touching, however, he did, and his finger traced her tiny arm, down to her long fingers. Instinctively, the baby gripped his finger. And for Matt, it was all over. Loving the baby had been almost a concept until that moment. But that small hand wrapped around his finger sparked a love in him he'd never felt for anyone before.

Kitty looked up at him, taking in his tearful expression. "You can hold her in a bit, okay?"

Matt smiled. "You take all the time you want, honey." He kissed her forehead. "By golly, Kitty. She's the best-looking baby I've ever seen."

"And you've seen a lot of babies, have you?"

He shrugged. "Well, a decent amount. Enough to know Little Bit here has them all beat."

Kitty gasped as the baby yawned. "Oh! She's yawning!"

Matt chuckled. "She did have a pretty big day, you know."

"You want to sleep, sweetheart?" She stroked the tuft of red hair on the baby's head until her eyes closed.

"You know, you've had a pretty big day, too. You should get some rest."

She shook her head. "I'm not tired. Far from it actually."

Matt thought she looked pretty exhausted, but was not about to point it out. He knew why she wanted to stay awake, and it broke his heart. Still, he remained quiet and pulled her closer. "You don't have to sleep. Just rest a little, okay?"

She nodded, leaning against him. But her eyes never left the baby.

He tried almost everything he knew to get her to nod off some, but nothing worked. Finally, he gave up and resigned himself to just be present with her. She had not mentioned Alice, but he knew she was forefront in Kitty's mind. He debated bringing the subject up, but couldn't bring himself to do it. He hated to see her watch the baby like a hawk, however, so he skirted around the issue.

"You okay?" He pushed a loose curl back from her face.

She nodded slowly. "I…," she started, trying to find the words. "I just need to be sure."

Matt sighed and wrapped his arm around her and the baby. "I'm not going to let anything happen, you know?"

Kitty smiled sadly and looked at him. "You know it doesn't work that way. But I love you for thinking it." She kissed him softly. "I've never been so happy in my life. But I've never been so scared, either. It's unfair to compare our daughters, but I can't help it…"

"I know that, honey. It's not unfair. You went through the worst thing any mother could experience. It's only natural for those feelings to come up now. I hate that you have to go through it, but I'll be damned if you go through it alone."

She sniffled as a tear ran down her cheek. "I keep saying I'm so glad you're here, but I really am."

He reached out and wiped the tear away. "Me too."

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Matt woke, and the first thing he noticed was that Kitty was not beside him. He sat up, and heard her before he saw her. The first light of dawn was coming through the windows, and Kitty sat in his big chair, crying. He instantly leapt from the bed and approached her, his heart racing. "Kitty?"

She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. "It's morning," she said.

Matt was confused for a moment, the haze of sleep still in full effect. But once he looked at the sleeping baby in her arms, he realized what she meant. Alice had not lived to see the dawn of a new day. "Oh, Kit." He knelt down next to the chair. "Of course it is, honey. Look at her. She's just perfect."

Kitty nodded. "I love her so much…"

"I know you do, love. And she's not going anywhere, okay?"

She sobbed in response, a smile crossing her face. "Do you want to hold her now?"

He grinned, and reached for the newborn, who went from mother to father without waking.

"Oh, Kitty…" He'd never truly felt at a loss of words, but he found he had none for this. The love that ran through him wasn't something that could be contained in words.

Kitty watched him with the baby, the happy tears still flowing down her cheeks. A bittersweet memory crossed her mind, and Matt took notice.

"What?"

She wiped her face as she stood. "You remember those triplets?"

He nodded. "Sure."

"I watched you hold one of them in Doc's office one day. For a moment, I thought about what it would be like for you to hold our child. But then I realized it could never be."

He cradled the baby in the crook of his arm, and pulled Kitty close with the other. "Funny how life works out."

"Yeah," she replied softly, stroking the baby's hand.

"Come here,' he said, sitting down in the chair. "Can you sit with me?"

Kitty managed to arrange herself into a semi-comfortable position against Matt's side. "Am I terrible for wanting to wake her?"

Matt laughed. "No, not really." He looked at her. "What are we going to call her? I don't think Little Bit is a suitable name to go through life with."

Kitty smiled and shrugged. "I don't know. Did you have any thoughts? And don't say Kathleen."

"Well,  _do_  we want to name her after someone?"

She frowned. "I don't think I want to. I want her to be her own person."

He nodded, thinking. "I'm not real good at names, especially girl names."

"Hmmm...I always liked Anna, or Elizabeth, or Emma…maybe Grace…"

Matt shrugged. "Those all sound fine to me."

Kitty shook her head. "I can see you'll be of no help."

"Well, I don't know. Like I said, I'm not an expert on these things."

Kitty looked at the baby for a time, considering. "Matt? What about Laura?"

"I think that's awful pretty."

"Yeah? I think I like it too."

"What about a middle name?"

"I think you should pick that one," she said.

Matt thought long and hard. So long, in fact, Kitty wanted to ask him if he'd fallen asleep. But then he looked at her. "Russell."

Kitty wrinkled her nose. "That's very masculine, Matt."

"Maybe a little. But she should have your name too."

She contemplated it for a moment. "Laura Russell Dillon. I think that's a good solid name."

"Me too."

She smiled, leaning in to kiss the still slumbering baby. "Hi, Laura."

"If it's okay with you, I'm still partial to Little Bit. At least for now."

Kitty laughed. "I think that's just fine."

The baby stirred and opened her eyes. Kitty could not help but grin. "Hi sweet baby!" She tickled her cheek. "It's amazing how excited I get when she wakes up."

Matt laughed and watched as the baby began to search out her mother's finger, and when offered, sucked on it greedily. "I think she's finally hungry."

Kitty nodded. "I think you're right." She reached for Laura and moved to stand.

"You want me to go get Doc?"

She shook her head. "I've helped enough women in the first days. I think I've got it." She looked at the now fussing baby. "Maybe."

Matt got up and guided her back into the chair. "You uh…want me to leave you alone?"

She narrowed her eyes at him as she unbuttoned her gown. "Why?"

"Well, I don't know. First time and all, might make it worse having me stare at you."

"Matt, don't be silly." She turned her attention to the baby, getting her settled. The little one began to root around, knowing nourishment was close.

"Wow, Kitty, look at her. She knows."

She smiled at her husband's reaction but kept her focus on the baby, who seemed to get the hang of the feeding thing in no time at all. Watching and feeling her child nurse for the first time was completely overwhelming, and the all too familiar tears welled up again.

Matt saw her tears. "Does it hurt?"

Kitty shook her head, her eyes never leaving the baby.

He sat on the floor beside the chair and watched, transfixed, as his wife gave their child what she needed. He'd surprised himself in many ways since coming to New Orleans, but didn't find it surprising at all that the sight before him was the most beautiful he'd ever seen.

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Doc knocked on the bedroom door. "Kitty? You awake?"

"Come on in, Doc," Kitty called.

He entered the room with a big grin on his face. "I just wanted to see how my granddaughter is doing."

"Oh, she's doing just fine. You want to hold her?"

"For the record, Kitty, you never have to ask me that question. Just hand her over," he said as he took the baby from her. "Well, don't you look pretty in your dress. Papa needs to find you a hat to go with it."

Kitty smiled, watching them. They had all agreed that Doc would be 'papa', and Matt would be 'daddy', at least to start with. It seemed a bit informal, but referring to Matt as 'father' to the baby seemed too stuffy to Kitty.

"Doc, we named her Laura."

"Laura." Doc tested the name on his tongue. "Laura. I think that's just beautiful. For a beautiful girl." He looked at Kitty. "Have you gotten any rest?"

She frowned. "Not really…"

Doc shook his head. "I'm ordering you to rest. I'll stay in here with the baby, or Matt can stay up here with her if you want her close. But you need to sleep, Kitty."

She nodded. "I know." She climbed on the bed. "You'll wake me if she looks hungry."

"Of course I will. Don't worry. Matt and I will take good care of her."

"I know Doc…" She yawned as her head hit the pillow.

He smiled, and moved to sit in the rocker by the fireplace. Matt was downstairs putting something together for lunch, so he had some time to sit quietly with the baby. "You know, Laura, you have very good parents. The best, in fact. They love you so much, and your father is going to spoil you rotten. And I will too, but that will always be our little secret, okay?"

The baby watched him with wide eyes and made a tiny sound, as if in agreement.

"That's right. Papa's going to spoil you rotten."

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

The room was dark when Kitty opened her eyes, save for the flickering light of the fireplace. When she stretched, the arm around her waist pulled her closer.

"You awake? Matt whispered in her ear.

"Yeah. How long was I out?"

"Most of the day."

Kitty shot right up. "Where's the baby?"

Matt placed a hand on her arm. "Relax, honey. She's with Doc downstairs. She's fine."

"But maybe she's hungry," she replied, moving to get out of bed.

"Hold on." Matt held her arm. "I'll go get her, okay?"

She nodded happily and settled back against the pillows.

When he got to the bedroom door, he opened it a crack and called, "Doc? Can you bring the baby up here?"

"Matt! That's not very civilized."

He scratched his head. "I'm still sleepy. I don't trust myself to walk up the stairs with a newborn."

Kitty made a face at him. "Cute. Real cute."

Doc entered with the tiny bundle in his arms. "We have been summoned."

Kitty reached for the baby greedily, kissing her cheeks and her nose. "Momma missed you. Did you sleep? Did Papa tell you tall tales?"

"I did nothing of the kind. I read to her from my medical journals. If she's going to be a doctor, she should start learning now."

Kitty groaned. "Poor baby. I guess you did sleep."

"And what would you have her do when she grows up?"

"Whatever she wants to do," she replied.

Doc raised his hands in defeat. "I'm not going to stop teaching her things, however. Not until she's old enough to tell me she doesn't want to hear it."

Kitty laughed. "Fair enough." She looked around the room. "Where did Matt go?"

Doc shrugged as the man in question walked into the room with a box. "Someone miss me?"

"Not really," Kitty quipped.

"With that attitude, I don't think you deserve the present I have here."

Doc shook his head. "Well, I'm not getting in the middle of this domestic dispute. I'm going to bed. Call me if you need me."

Kitty laughed. "Good night, Doc."

Matt closed the door behind him and walked over to the bed. "Now, did you really not miss me?"

"You're an awful tease," she smiled. "But is that for me or the baby?"

"Well, open it and find out."

She handed baby Laura over to Matt and pulled the box into her lap. She undid the pink ribbon and opened it to find a pink dress inside. "Oh Matt."

He smiled. "I told you I didn't want you to buy pink things because we didn't know if it would be a girl. But I wrote Doc later that week and asked him to buy one thing, just in case."

"Oh, I love it so much!" She picked it up and ran her hands over the soft fabric. "It's gorgeous." She leaned over and kissed him. "And I love you."

"Hold on there. Did you check and see if the box was empty?"

Kitty put the dress aside and looked in the box to find a smaller box nestled inside. Upon opening it, she found a gorgeous gold bangle bracelet adorned with a large pink sapphire. She gasped. "Oh my goodness! Matt! Oh…"

Matt smiled at her. "Just a little something. You gave me Little Bit here, I thought it would be nice to give you something too."

She got on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck, mindful of the baby in his arms. "I love it so much. You have no idea." She kissed him long and slow. "And I love you. I haven't told you in the last thirty seconds, have I?"

He chuckled. "No, you haven't."

Kitty moved to put the bracelet on, running her fingers over the stone. "But Matt, what if the baby was a boy?"

Matt shrugged. "The man at the store said I could exchange it, but I had a feeling your instinct was correct."

She sat back down on the bed and stared at the bracelet. "This is the most beautiful piece of jewelry I have ever received. Well, after my wedding ring, of course."

He nodded and sat down next to her. "Of course."

In the midst of the excitement, the baby woke and looked from mother to father, her tiny grunting sounds alerting her parents.

"Someone's awake. Hi baby girl." Kitty reached for the baby and cuddled her close. "You want to see what Daddy got for Momma?" She moved the bracelet back and forth in front of the baby, the stone catching the light coming from the fireplace. Laura cooed in response. "That's right. You'll get to wear these kinds of things when you get older."

Matt looked at his wife, holding their baby girl, and his heart just about burst. Everything he loved, wanted, needed was right beside him, and he knew just how lucky he was. He leaned over and kissed her head, nuzzling her hair.

Kitty looked up at him. "You okay?"

"More than okay, love. I'm a very lucky man," he said, stroking her cheek.

"Oh Matt. I'm the lucky one. Sometimes I still can't believe all of this is real."

"I feel that too. We are very blessed, Mrs. Dillon."

She smiled and kissed him. "I completely agree, Mr. Dillon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming along on this ride. All future stories in this universe will be included in the 'A Million Reasons Series', so you can read if you wish. If not, know that they all lived happily ever after.


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